"Would you talk candidly about your boss's management style?"

It is my last day at work, and in an attempt to keep myself here until my two week's was officially up, I volunteered to do two presentations. Today.  Simple things, but requiring two full hours.  One down, one to go, and the only people who came to the morning session were those that obviously wanted my position.  It was hilarious when I realized their interested faces were more like hungry hyena smiles.  I took the time to answer lots of questions.  But then came what I had been dreading: tell us what your boss is really like.

I don't write about it much in case this blog was ever linked to the real me, but our working relationship has been rather toxic.  We get things done, but I wouldn't say things ever worked well.  So, here I am on my last day, in a big open room with my boss across the hall, and someone asks me to describe her management style, candidly, and gives me a knowing smile. WTF, lady? I said, "You know, this may be my last day, but I still work here."  Despite myself, I described my boss's style in very professional terms and listed her visible cons in a more positive light than I've ever been able to talk about them.  Because that's what you do.  I didn't say, "Oh, she's great!" I said she was difficult, but got a lot done and there were lots of opportunities to excel.  Not to expect praise, even think you may be doing things wrong until you get a GREAT eval-- because she will tell you when you're effing up, but not when you're doing something right.  These are things that would have been great to know when I started, so I think I did the right thing.

The same woman emailed me later to wheedle out more details, but I will not oblige.  I don't really know her, and wouldn't want anything more candid coming back to my boss.

I think Allison Green would be proud of how I'm leaving my job: clean office, tour of the files, handbook, farewell email to all staff and patrons I've dealt with.  Tied up all loose ends, fixed things that needed fixing.  People are finally telling me what I needed to hear all along: you did a great job.  Why can't they tell you that before you leave?

Bonus: told to me by my boss, a faculty member worriedly asked her what was happening now that I was leaving, and asked, "Are you the new her?"

After the flood

4 REAL - This was my fortune at the Chinese restaurant we ate at our first day in San Jose.

It's so hard to write about so much has happened. On July 7th, I got a text from J that said, "Call me-- not in your office". At this point, it had been over a week since he'd gotten the job offer, but nothing final on paper. It could be great or horrible. I went outside and paced around in the disgusting Arkansan heat while the phone rang, and he answered and said, "I got it".

Commence jumping and squeeing!  I calmed myself, strode into Human Resources and tried to tell them the news without peeing on myself.  They know my current work situation, and weren't surprised that I was so damn excited. And to their credit, they were excited for me as well.  I only went to them first so the motive would be clear when my boss murdered me.

I always thought resigning would have more of a dramatic, thrilling feel, but mostly I tried to be calm, respectful and get it over with.  Fifteen minutes didn't go by from phone call to leaving my boss's office.  And to her credit, my treatment has not been any worse than it usually is, since then.  I was able to give three week's notice and I am leaving with my to-do list finished and a detailed handbook for the next supervisor. Good. Bye.

So much has happened since then, such as a reprise of all the problems I've had with moving and not having a job, but this is all I can do for now.  We're one week away from the day we drive away from here never to be Northwest Arkansas citizens again*.  We've got movers, a place for the dog**, a new apartment, some friends in the city and a lot of excitement.  The physical stuff has mostly been easy, and that's what we've been dealing with.  We haven't started to say goodbye yet.

*Maybe when we are old.
**Please, no judgmental comments about how I'm a terrible pet owner. She is going to a home that is ten times better than the shitty home life we've cobbled together for her for the past five years.  Eat me.

Trailing Spouses, Military Wives and Righteous Indignation

Ask a Manager answered a question from a military spouse today that was VERY pertinent to my interests:

I will be giving my (two week) notice at my job this Friday.  I’m not leaving to take another job.  I’m leaving because the Army is moving us ….. again.  Unfortunately, in order to get the job, I had to fib and tell the bosses that we’d be staying in the area (and would eventually retire here) and I think that’s one of the reasons why they hired me — I said I was sticking around.  Many employers will not hire military spouses if they think they are leaving soon, and the reality is that I usually have to “fib” about how long we’re staying in order to get any job.

Oy! Sound familiar?  This was my go-to excuse for not trying to get out of my current work situation, not wanting to start a job when I knew we might move.  You know who "might" move? Anyone!  I wasted years not letting myself move on, and that totally sucks.  I wish I knew if this lady had a blog, because I'd read the hell out of it.

The commenters on the post chastise her for her "fibbing" and tell her she's an out-right liar.  This got my hackles up immediately.  She can tell the truth and hope she's not dropped for the possibility she may move, she can omit what her spouse does for a living, or she can just stop living her life completely until she drops dead and finally "commits" to a burial plot.

When I asked my HR department whether or not I should tell my boss about J's graduation, we got into a talk about the possibility of relocation if he gets a good job.  I said that was definitely a possibility, but since I have no control over his job prospects, it's hardly fair to judge me for it.  One of the HR crazies even suggested that I let them know about his progress as soon as he gets an interview!  It's like I'd grown a third arm or something, and that third arm was looking for a new job.  Candace at Army Wives Lives answered a similar question to the one above, much more articulately:

Most states do not specifically grant military spouses protection from employment discrimination.  However, you may not discriminate against someone based on marital status.  An employer making inquiries about your marriage for any purpose is simply inappropriate.  They also cannot ask if you are planning to get pregnant and take maternity leave in the near future.

Yes, I do sort of have control over where he gets a job (once he gets an offer) and we are a unit.  I'm stuck to/with him for life, and I'm glad of that, but we are two different people.  I do not want to be thought of in terms of him when looking for a job.  It's enough to pull up roots and move somewhere for someone else, so I found it completely insulting that the commenters at Ask a Manager wouldn't even give her the concession of not offering up conjecture in an interview.

I see it as a bias similar to avoiding women because maybe someday they'll get pregnant and have to take time off.  Planning for the future is a part of being a manager, but there are some assumptions that shouldn't be made, for the dignity of your employee.

So, now I need to go find army spouse blogs, because that is a corner of the internet I never even thought to look in!  If anyone knows a good one, please let me know in the comments.  I'm in a lather right now and will probably have to come back to this later to make it more succinct.

At least it's Friday

Well, I had to turn down the job I had a great chance at because of a measly $3,000, and I found out today I didn't make the cut for the big job.  It's been a week.  I guess the pressure is off now, and I don't have to debate with myself about whether to take a job if I could be moving.  That's solved!  The sadness may not make sense-- because I am not as anonymous as I used to be, I don't talk about my job.  I enjoy what I do, but I have a bad relationship with my supervisor, and all the time I have worked here has not made any difference in that, and not for lack of trying.  What do you do when you do your job well but your boss still doesn't like you?  Well, cry in the bathroom of course!

Wish me luck!

Instead of waiting the day it was due (tomorrow) and getting closer to my lucky number 13, I submitted my application to the big job today.  I have snakes in my stomach!  It feels good to have achieved a goal.  There's a small chance I'll get this job, and a larger one I won't.  But what matters is that in making my resume and cover letter, I proved to myself that I have great qualifications for someone of my age and experience, and enough references to drown a cat (not that I'd do that).

Whew!  I feel like my biggest stressor is gone, and I can concentrate on the family gathering this weekend.  I was going to spend tonight freaking out on my resume, but now I'll go have a beer on the porch and tidy the house a bit for visitors.  Viva la Thursday!!

Successes! Sort of!

The deadline for the big job is on Friday, and I've got a stack of resume/cover letter edits to perfect.  There is also another job about to open, but it is below my pay grade.  If it weren't for J graduating and on a job search, I'd go for it. I'd love working for the boss there, but it would be a band-aid solution, I think.  If there were a way to up the pay, heck yeah! But I got two mouths to feed (and one of them is 31).

I'm excited about the big job, though.  Even though I feel utterly green compared to the person leaving it (retiring), I do meet the requirements listed, and not just minimally.  It's strange writing a resume for a job within your organization. What to leave out? What do they already know? Is a level of informality ok? I have no idea, so I'm trying to play it safe.  They know who I am, so if they consider me or not, the written documents won't make or break me unless I mail them in with ketchup stains or lie about a presidential term.

I've been reading the Ask a Manager blog religiously for the past month (honestly, for the past 5 years).  The great thing about that blog is that she almost always answers your questions, even if it doesn't warrant a blog post.  I read about her on Feministing long, long ago and reading that blog has helped me land a job, keep it, get better at it and hopefully get a new one.  Thanks Allison Green!  It must be good, if I've mentioned it in my own blog four times already.

Other than jobs, my other good news is that I got into an art show with my little sculptures.

Unfortunately, there isn't a venue for the show.  It's being put on by an organization that I have volunteered and served on the board of directors for.  It has been in the same place every single time with the exception of one year, but it looks like their luck ran out.  I know it is self-centered, but why the first year I was able to submit, and get in?  I have a super sad face.

This weekend is J's commencement ceremony, and we'll be partying down with both sets of parents, my sister and his sister.  Everyone is awesome, so I'm looking forward to it.  It will be nice to have a few people to be with during the 4 HOUR GRADUATION.  Thank god for iPod touch games.  Tiny Wings, we are about to get to know each other very well.

Status Report

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, J asked me if I had my druthers, would I want to stay here or move.  That's not an easy answer.  From the start of our marriage (and even before) the plan was he'd get his PhD, and we'd travel on his career path together (since I hadn't figured one out yet). So, as he started to get finished up, I started to disconnect myself from my town.  I did not renew my membership on a non-profit board that could probably have used me there, because I didn't want to drop out halfway through the year.  I stopped work on a craft fair I had been wanting to organize.  I refused a nomination to the staff senate at the university where I worked.  Twice.  At one point, even after I realized the poor treatment at my work was not going to change no matter how proactive I became, I refused to find another job that I would just have to quit soon after. At many points in here, I gave up hope.  I packed things up.  I sold 1/3 of my belongings.  I decided not to plant the garden this year.  I have been protesting any large Christmas gifts for YEARS because I didn't want to move with them.  God knows we could have used a new couch a long time ago. I hit pause.

But you can't hit pause on life. It keeps going, things accumulate, experience accumulates until it totally makes sense to go for that better-paying job even if the future is murky.  Submit some artwork to that show*.  Make some new friends and stop acting like they'll just be saying goodbye to you soon.

So, do I want to stay?  If I hadn't spent the last four years preparing to leave, yes. Of course. I'd made good friends, good connections, I love my house.  But I feel like I've spent four years refusing to grow and soiling my reputation with a flaky assertion that I'd be "leaving soon".  That feels really bad.  I have a hang-up about looking like a flake, but I think that's because it's what I'm known for by now.  I'm the one who's always saying she's moving but hasn't gone anywhere.

I shouldn't care what people think.  But I do care about all the wasted time and the negative parts of my reputation caused by it.  I want a fresh start.

That puts a lot of pressure on J.  I know there was always pressure, but I think it's part of the bargain when he's the one leading the charge.  I've got a different kind of pressure, one that isn't as valued or supported, as evidenced by the lack of blogs about trailing/traveling spouses.

I shouldn't be writing this blog-- I should be polishing my resume and writing a cover letter.  I have always been my worst enemy**.


*Somewhat hilariously (not at all) put on by the non-profit I had worked with and resigned from.  But I just got an email saying I'd gotten in but they didn't have a venue, so there wouldn't be a show.  Great.
**I'm not actually having a bad day.  It's just a real thinky day.

Mammatus

from a local twitter search

We've had crazy-pants rain for the past week, dangerous too.  I didn't take this picture, but it's exactly what the clouds looked like when I got out of my ASL class last night.  They looked like movie clouds.  A local search on twitter for "clouds" taught me these were mammatus ("breast") clouds.  They're super cute and look like boobs but are indicative of really bad weather, often tornadoes.

T-minus 2 days until J's dissertation defense.  He got sick this morning, and I'm sure it was nerves (vegetarians just don't get food poisoning).

Here's a terrible thought: our relationship has been really good, and I've been way calmer than usual since he began the downhill to graduation.  In other words, as he's gotten more stressed, I've had a reduction in mine.  I think it may have something to do with me feeling like I actually have more control in my life than him for once.  Even if it's not real control, the comparison makes it look like it.  That makes me feel bad, but since I'm feelin' so stable and great, I'll use it to make sure he's doing good, too.  I swear it is not schadenfreude.

Thursday and Friday I get to spend all day in a workshop for supervisors/managers.  I'm excited, because I like my job and would like it more if I was better at it.  I think my boss doesn't value this kind of training much, but I figure some is better than none.  I also get to leave an hour early on Friday. Score!

Job available-- but am I?

A job I may be quite qualified came open this week.  It pays substantially more and would involve more projects and public relations, and is at my current institution.  Should I apply knowing there's a chance that J might get a job soon?

But haven't I been asking myself that for the past three years?  I have held myself back in my current job by riding my hopes on another person.  And now that it (J's job) may actually happen soon, there's this job. That I would be silly not to go for.

But once again, I will have to bite my tongue and let another opportunity  pass away.  Who knows when J will get a job?   He will be graduating mid-May, but so far we have no bites.  I say "we", but it's starting to grate on me*.  I don't have anything to do with this.  I am completely at the whim of someone else's career.

It's not a good time to be angry, but I am.  I am my own person and I am good at my job, but I am losing myself in his job search.  Even at work, now that my boss knows he's graduating, it is assumed that we're leaving and I'm being treated differently.  I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THIS. This would have been easier if he wasn't a student, and I wouldn't have had to tell anyone what was happening.  But with working with faculty... they were going to find out.  Now I'm awash in uncertainty not only in my own mind, but coming from those around me.

So, how can I apply for this job and still feel honest?  I don't want to not try, and then six months down the road J still doesn't have a job.  A month ago that thought wouldn't' have even crossed my mind, but who are we kidding?  The economy sucks and no one has contacted him about any of his applications.  It doesn't matter how talented/skilled/educated you are right now.  We could be looking at a long, dark haul.

Can anyone understand why trying to get a new job, especially in the same institution, would be a bad idea right now?  Even if I got it, if we had to move less than a year later, I would be leaving a bad reputation at a place I would have been remembered fondly, if only I hadn't wasted their time.  Plus, it's probably gotten around that J is graduating, so they won't even consider me.  Who would?  I wouldn't.

It's an endless fucking cycle of self-effacement, obnoxious martyrdom and failure.  Failure before I can even try.  I am just so tired of waiting.

*J isn't grating on me. He is wonderful and supportive and working really hard.

A banner day!

So, things got crazy at work today, and I got to shine a bit.  Two VCRs broke (trust me, they are very important here) and I fixed them! And I got to practice my ASL with a patron!  So awesome.  Here's a shot of me involved in intense analog surgery:

That is me in a nutshell: pretty pink fingernails bringing the dead back to life.  All in a day's work.

One Interview Down

J looked utterly frazzled when I got home.  He had stuffed his brain for weeks, and now it had all spilled out.  He looked simultaneously at peace and completely nuts.

The interview went well, he knew he'd made mistakes but seemed pretty optimistic.  We should know something in the next week, but until then J's got to work on this dissertation and put in more applications.  I don't mean to keep saying this because I don't believe in him, but I really do believe that even getting this far is a real accomplishment.  Like really big.  Just like when I wrote that every rejection letter is at least a step forward, this is the same. Plus, Google is huge and everyone wants to work there.  If you've made it this far up the interview process, you're already a good fit, now it's culling applicants down to a manageable number.  If you get culled, you can rest assured it's just numbers or they didn't like your handshake.

As for me, I told my boss about J's graduation, which she definitely saw coming (she knew he was a PhD student when I interviewed).  Well, it's been four years since his Master's graduation, so here we are.  It was scary telling her, but Human Resources had my back and it was decided that not telling was a lie of omission. Why is it scary? Because it's pretty obvious that when he gets his big ol' degree, he's going to look for a big ol' job.  And, statistically speaking, there more jobs outside of Arkansas than in.  My boss immediately made that connection (or had been waiting to voice it) and I handled it gracefully.  Seriously, it is a weird situation when you're not the one who is looking for a job.  But I feel like telling her about his graduation is like handing in my [X]-week's notice for a job I'm not even applying for.  I am afraid I'll be treated like I've given my notice already, and in some offices that isn't a pleasant place to be.

This is one of those situations where not having control makes things rather sticky.  I told her last week, but so far things are good.

My boss may be cursing out loud in her office, but we've got a holiday coming up, and my husband is officially done with research and in THESIS MODE!!!1!!!!!1111!!!! :)))))))))))  He will be writing, not doing any crazy new things for his advisor, just working on getting done!



But hopefully, he is not feeling like this:

PhD Comics

Jobs Update

Semper Augustus - Virus Tulip!

The spouse should be sending out some letters this week.  I am trying not to hold my breath.

We're working on next semester's schedule, and I keep wondering if I'll be here when our hours change from Spring to Summer.  It would have been best to leave now-ish, as all the employees are good 'n trained, and my boss would have a semester and a summer to find, train and establish someone before the blitz of next August.  Summer isn't a good time to come in, because it's slow and you get no experience.  But that's when I came in, and I did an OK job during that first crazy season.

Should I plant more bulbs for the spring? Yes.

Orbiting, but not paying attention

The excitement of the possible appication has worn off, as it has not been turned in yet. The husband is waiting on a publication, but his drag-ass adviser won't finish his end of the work.  It's always just over the rise, but now I'm not excited. A bit apathetic.

I did finally get it through my head that his job isn't dependent on the academic calendar as postdocs don't generally teach. So I don't have to get nervous that as the end of the semester approaches, it puts us back another semester. I'm still trying to rid my mind of the idea that we'll be gone by next semester. That's just foolishness.

I also got to stop fretting about how I never see any listings for postdocs in his specific field. I set up google alerts a year ago, and get several emails a day to sift through for the keywords I know. There are fields I have learned to hate, from the overabundance of jobs available. One day I will meet one of these scientists, and I will have to remind myself not to pinch them.  It's not their fault ________ is totally hot right now!

So, he's pretty sure that the job he'll find (the good one) will result from letters sent directly to people working in his field. And he hasn't done that yet because he's waiting until after his latest paper is published. I want to poke people, make this thing move along.  His adviser also went to Large Fancy College a week ago and talked to some potential bosses.  Weee!

The latest ohmygod thing that's happened in our house is our landlord giving us the tactless news that he's thinking about letting someone else live in our house. Yup, we're renters. It's not a "I hate you! You painted the bathroom blue! I want new tenants!" situation.  It's not even something he's sure of. But it lit a fire under our asses and we want to know where we are.  I'd hate to have to make a move in town, then immediately out of town. It's a ways off, and hopefully we'll be gone by then, but we had a few days of SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.  The husband did see the silver lining: maybe he can use this to make his adviser move faster.

So far, not really happening.

In my own news, I have fallen off the yoga/sewing bandwagon. I feel pretty ashamed of myself for getting all hyped about sewing (my new future career!) and then quitting. I haven't quit, I just haven't had the time/space to do anything. And I think I need to take some time off from my lessons and do some independent study (saves money, too).  Now is the time of year to concentrate on a different craft: Halloween costumes. I've started mine, and it will take a while. As usual, I've offered to help everyone else with theirs.  It's my only real talent, not one that will help me in the wild, but makes me feel pretty good.  I wish I could post pictures!

The job is the same, but I'm doing a little better at standing up for myself.  I've had lots of opportunities to prove myself to be a good boss/supervisor, and some to prove I'm still a little immature.  I'm working on a manual of how to do my job, since the few procedures I inheirited aren't very fleshed out.  It's hilariously conversational, and I hope my successor actually gets it.  I wish I could leave a little "hang in there!" note. 

I've made friends with two other ladies that are in a similar position, marriage/career-wise, so it's good to see I"m not alone.  It's hard to talk about this stuff with people who aren't there (thus the blog, and my failing quest to find other like-minded bloggers) so being able to bounce ideas off of these ladies is so helpful. I'm not being pitied or misunderstood, and they don't look at me like I'm a whiner. At least not yet.  And even if it sounds terrible to say it's good to see people who are having the same problems, it is. It's good to know you're not alone, and to see how people are handling life.  Hopefully we'll all have something to teach each other.

Not trailing yet, and leading quite successfully

The start of the semester is always a terribly stressful time for me.  Most of my employees are students, some of them just coming out of high school, for some their first time job.  It's difficult juggling their school schedules against my schedule of stuff that needs to get done.  So, I've been basically working 2 jobs for the past two weeks, what I do and what they'll be able to do once they're properly trained. They're all currently in the baby bird stage, needing constant supervision and info.  And that's good. If they aren't asking questions, they're probably coasting.  No coasters so far, but damn, I am tired.

On the job front, the spouse is waiting for one job to get funding so he can officially apply, and he also got an email directly from someone associated with another postdoc telling him he should apply. In the second job, it's someone who is currently working with one of the spouse's previous colleagues, who recommended him.  Nice! But that person isn't the PI, so it may not do anything. And the spouse isn't sure the job has anything to do with his skill set. None-the-less, it's nice to be thought of!

I'm antsy of course, as fall approaches and he doesn't have any applications in, even though he's telling people he hopes to be gone by the new year.  I'm distracting myself spectacularly.  The sewing is going nicely, and I've started doing a little yoga in the mornings.  I wish I could post pictures of stuff I'm making, but that would kill my anonymity. So prepare to be eternally tantalized!  I think this is going to be a great fall.

A New Hope!

I'm back! No, I did not succumb to despair, but rather threw myself into activities that properly distract and enthuse me.  That plan is working out splendidly.

As for the job front, there was a sad lull after I found out the latest job prospect was being scrapped.  My spouse tried pretty hard to work a whole lot and spend whatever time he had with me being the sweetest ever.  A few days ago, he found a rumor about another job in NewTownX, one that he knows through some high academic muckamucks.  So, he actually emailed the professor in charge and asked about something. Took initiative!  Tested the waters! This gives me hope.   And he seems excited about the research and is just waiting to see if the position will solidify (they're currently waiting on funding, but pretty sure).  I know I shouldn't get excited, that there are other lovely, brilliant people (with lovely brilliant spouses) applying for the same thing.  I just like having something to chew on.

In my own job front, I'm bracing myself for the start of a new semester. I work on a University campus, and employ student workers.  All summer I've spent my breaks and lunches peacefully on a bench in the shade, but now that will all be obliterated by horny, loud, excited and idealistic students, lured to join various activities and groups by horrible music (also horribly un-diverse) and the grilled meats I can't eat.  No one ever remembers the vegetarians during free food week.  Except the pizza places. Thanks free pizza people.

This is the time of year where I really shine, that's really hard, and really tires me out.  All I am doing is training, training, training.  I can focus on that and power ahead, and when I don't have anything immediate to do, I don't feel guilty about seriously lazing.  I lose my voice during these weeks from so much talking.  I've got a handful of completely new people to turn into fantastic representatives of my organization.  I usually succeed at this, but I don't want to rest on my laurels.

Shout out to Alison Green of the Ask a Manager blog.  She's given me some great advice for what I'm doing now, and also about how I'm going to go about in my next job.  Reading this blog helps me remember that my job can actually be something that makes me feel good.  This may sound dorky, but I probably recommend this blog more than any other.  That may also be because I'm of the age where my peers are almost always thinking about job stuff.

So, with an end looming near, you are probably thinking that I am just winging it.  You are only sort of wrong.  It's hard for me to put in 100% for so many reasons.  But for all the things I hate about my job I love that I do what I do well, people recognize that, and we're well-known for a great training infrastructure.  I'd like to keep that reputation until far after I'm gone.

We had dinner with another couple a few days ago, who are sort of similar to our situtation.  The husband is a grad student in a close field to my own husband's, and the wife works closely with the University but not in academia.  Unlike me, she got a degree in something useful, but is looking to get into something new.  It ocurred to me last night that maybe she would be a good person to talk to about all this, so I'll update after I get in touch with her again.  This seems like a great excuse for a happy hour drink.

So, things are good.  And I don't mean for now.

No news yet

How long does it take for a school to tell you that you are/are not what they are looking for? I guess it's only been a few weeks, but I'm dyin'.  And the (only) other application he's been talking about isn't due for over a month. I spoke with him about sending emails to schools who are doing research in his area, but he's so reluctant.  I told him it can't hurt-- looking a little desperate for a job (and I do NOT think this looks desperate) especially in this economy can not possibly count against anyone. Especially in his field.  This isn't a cool contest.  I read some stuff about waiting for openings vs. cold-calling on the PhD Comics forum and sent the thread to him.  It didn't really move him.  Which aggitated me a little.

He is, fortunately, staying at work later. I know, a PhD who you have to cry to get them to spend time IN their office? Maybe I'm lucky.  It's kind of cute* that he thinks he's putting me out by spending time in the office, because I really do think he believes all the little time we spend together is important.

My job at the university is heavily affected by the return of the students, and I'm in full-time grimace mode right now.  At least it gives me more to do (the doldrums of this summer were driving me bonkers).

*It puts me out, though, to think that every sci-fi episode we watch at night is one more 44-minute chunk of life we could have been closer to moving on.  I am afraid to do the math.


p.s. I do not hate my dog. But I come close. She looks like this poor little guy:

Ways to get by

don't want to use this blog as a platform to complain about my job, but dang. [redacted].  Instead, I will use this negative to come up with the first item on my list of Ways I Get By.

1) People being unreasonable at work?   Call them out on it. Nicely. When they say something that doesn't make sense? Ask questions until they realize they are acting loony and emotional and stop the bad behavior.  This worked today, and I felt pretty proud of myself.  The hope of moving on has given me some courage.

2) Throw yourself headfirst into a new hobby.  I have chosen sewing, and am going to start a class on Monday.  I know people in the local fashion world, so I've called on them for advice.

3) Make new friends.  I've made two new friends in the past 6 months that I hang out with at least once a week. Once a week means a lot to me, because everyone is so busy these days. I felt apathetic about meeting new people during my "We're just going to move as soon as something good happens so why even try waaaaaah" phase.  This didn't help things. 

4) Relax. I am not really good at this, but I'm making a point of being selfish and sitting on the couch to read while the spouse does house things.  I used to think if I sat down, not as much would get done, but now I don't care as much.  If I relax, I'm happier.  If I'm happier, I don't feel like I have to have an iron fist around the house.

5) Remember that the spouse is amazing and you love him/her.  Being sweet to someone makes you feel good.  And then they're sweet back.  And then you remember that though life seems like a huge stressor, at the middle of it all (well, from your perspective) is you and him.

6) Exercise.  Yeah, that sucks right now, but you know you always feel better when it's done. But yeah, lots of suckage.

Flowers help, also penpals, walks with no purpose and beers.

Beers!/Cheers!


(There's no read video, but good song)