Jobs update

We found out yesterday that J lost the Colorado job specifically because of his advisor's negligence.  I mean, we already knew, but then we heard it plainly through J's mentor, who knew the researcher.  There's still another spot open he's been encouraged to apply for, but now he's going in a new direction.  I wouldn't mind living in Colorado, but it's not what he seems to want.

On a happier note, we met up with an old friend at the wedding, who has an indirect contact at Google. Wheee!

Next project: giant banana

The wedding was great, but I am going to do a whole post on it, once Heidi has done hers (I think she deserves the first shot at that particular subject).

Livid and inarticulate: Planned Parenthood Funding Axed in Budget Cuts

The House voted today to stop federal funding of Planned Parenthood.  The vote passed 240-185.  That means 10 Democrats voted for this?  Planned Parenthood (bless them, fund them, donate to them) gets one third of their funding from the government. And I never thought that I'd link to Fox News, but there's an article about how a proposal from Betty McCollum (D-MN) about cutting Nascar funding (WTF) was voted down, while cutting family planning funds down.  Drag racing up, women's lives down!  I'm trying to track down how representatives in Arkansas voted, but I know it's not good.  What can you do? Sign a stupid internet petition, write a real letter, call, show up in person with a sign? Right now, bills are being crafted that will make it ok for a person to kill a doctor for performing an abortion if that person is doing it to save the fetus's life [Update: it's gone now, but why did it exist in the first place???].  It is all I can do to not send emails to all representatives in AR that just say "YOU FUCKING SUCK".  I know it's not the end, but really? Birth control for horses, but not for human women.

Never let anyone say that there is no need for feminism anymore. Make them explain why.  Make them explain this. And this. And this.

Sad day

I tried to get a good head start back to work. We made a soup from our new raw cookbook, but it made my stomach feel bad, and I got to bed late and couldn't sleep well (J. came to bed at god knows what time, and woke me up as usual).  Still, I got up, ate breakfast and got to work my usual 10 minutes early.  It only took about 30 minutes for my boss to be genuinely mean to me.  I guess since I'm writing a blog post you can tell that kind of behavior doesn't inspire me to be my most productive.

This semester's goals are to make a handbook for my job, so the next person doesn't have to waste time muddling through the little dumb details that slowed me down.  My boss knows I'm making a handbook, and of course didn't tell me she thought it was a good job.  I have a very spare handbook that I started with, that she recently told me wasn't even updated before I started all these years ago.  Awesome!  Other goals are to further clean up old files and take a good look at our training materials.  Things get outdated so fast.

My boss starting the year with anger and impatience reminded me that my imminent escape is really tenuous right now.  We still don't know if J's advisor has written any letters, or why exactly he's been held up.  I'm trying to push my anger into sadness, because I'm gonna have a pity party anyway and my sad is more responsible than my angry.  I haven't really gotten down about J's rejections, but if he doesn't get a job because of things he couldn't help that weren't his fault, I'll have trouble redirecting my anger.  I know that my anger can't do anything but makes things worse, so this is hard.  I can't imagine what it's like for him, since he is so much more emotionally reserved than me.   I wonder if he needs a hobby that has nothing to do with his work to give him some added joy/success right now.  I think Osmos is the only thing he'll geek out on right now:

New Year's like a Phoenix

I'd like to think I came through the threshold of 2011 like a phoenix, on fire and ready to be reborn, but really I just had the worst hangover of my life (4 drinks! I am serious!) and didn't manage to form complete sentences until 6pm the next day.  On the 31st, I decided that I'd eat more raw food and end the year with a completely raw meal (spring rolls and sun dried tomato brazil nut "cheese") but on the 1st I had a fried cheese melt from Denny's dipped in ranch.  Nothing on earth was going to get me to eat cheese with a Z.  I needed fried.

Other than the horrendous pain and lost time, New Year's was super fun.  I got to wear a cool outfit, go to several parties and hang out with lots of friends.  J. got a little grouchy (he's not as much about parties) but by the end of the night everyone went to bed happy. (How they woke up is another story).

We did end the year with some bad news on the job-search front.  J. sent in an application to Colorado over a month ago, and also got work back from a possible job in Ohio around the same time.  Has his advisor written/sent his rec letters yet? No.  J. tried emailing him several times, stuck around his office trying to catch him, but to no result.  J. was pretty disconsolate a few days ago and thought that this apparent disregard for him getting a job was going to cost him the Colorado one.  It's not his fault, but it makes him look bad.  The deadline for the Colorado application has already passed, so it's not a point in his favor if his is incomplete.

He had to send an email to the Ohio job to see if they had all his letters (since his advisor wouldn't even answer an email about whether he had sent it).  The answer was no, and J. tried to be as diplomatic as he could without saying outright his advisor was practically M.I.A.  He tried to get in touch some more, tried to convince himself that it was just the end of the semester/holiday time and things were going slow, but eventually we tried to convince each other that something horrible had happened and that's why there was no letter.  J. got an email a few days ago from the Ohio researcher asking about the letter, and he forwarded that to his advisor.  Guess who finally replied!  Seems there was some vague emergency, and he is now "working on it".

It's making me very nervous, and I can't imagine what's happening in J's head right now.  He's working as hard as he can, and is asking for the bare minimum.  There's nothing I can do really, and that's frustrating.

Also annoying: people asking me where I want to go.  It's a nicety, I know, but do they not understand the concept that I am not the engineer of this move? I don't want to get back into the negative rut of saying, "It doesn't matter where I want to go," but that's the truth, isn't it? Stop asking me!!

Starts and Stops

Once again, I'm feeling the drag of J's advisor halting progress.  What do you do when you can only get your advisor's attention for 15 minutes a week and they won't write your rec letters or even let you know they haven't done them yet? J's feeling pretty sheepish, as his (now) top choice asked for letters probably two weeks ago, and we're still not sure she's got them all.  He had to send her an email making sure she got them, because his letter writers won't respond to his emails about whether or not they will/have written them.  Grrr.  But-- it was the end of finals week last week, so I should have patience.  I just hate to see him get down about it.  Things got exciting for a few days and then shut down.

In other exciting news, our landlord has dropped another bomb on us.  In September, we had actual contact with him when our A/C went out and he casually told us he was thinking about using our home as leverage in a custody battle.  "I figured I'd let my wife live here rent-free, and her lease is up in June."  Yeah, only slightly horrifying.  Renters' Rights in Arkansas are pretty grim, so we had a huge garage sale and sold off maybe 1/3-1/2 of our belongings just in case he got even flakier and we got the boot.  The idea of moving and then having to move again in 6ish months was horrifying.  We decided to get lighter.

Before that  there was talk of him selling the house, which was OK since our neighbors were interested (and intent on keeping us as tenants).  That fell through when the divorce started and he never returned their calls (after they had already paid for home inspections).  J. says we're probably good because nothing moves fast and the landlord is flaky, but I don't want to count on someone being flaky in a way that is beneficial to me.

Talk is back on about him selling off his properties, and luckily the neighbors are thinking about trying to buy the house again.  I got mad at J. last week for seeming to be cavalier about our possible eviction, but he was just way too stressed/depressed by the rec letter quagmire.  Can we just get out really soon?

The current plan is finish the thesis in March, defend in April, all done by May.  And somewhere in there find a job.  I don't know what I can do at this point but be optimistic.  This blog has helped that last bit dramatically.

In happy-go-lucky news, I had a kick-ass birthday party on Friday that made me forget about my birthday blues earlier in the week.  Here are some pictures, taken by my photographer friend:

My amazing sis-in-law

I love how I look like a tarty cherub in this shot.

Our bathroom has really good light, so eventually everyone came in for some group shots.

Detail of decorations

We forgot birthday candles, so Jonathan obliged with his lighter.

My sis and her new boyfriend. It was hard to find the cutest picture, because they are disgustingly wonderful together.

All in all, it was the best party I've ever had.  My sis-in-law and best friend helped me deck the house out in pink streamers and aqua Christmas balls and decorate a corner just for photos (seen above).   There was a glitch in the karaoke system (namely a microphone and amplification) but we remedied it with a hairbrush and really enthusiastic singing.   The rest of the night was taken up with Framboise floats and photo shoots and chocolate tort.  No one got sick. No one got sad. Everyone got hugs. Then everyone went home.

Orbiting, but not paying attention

The excitement of the possible appication has worn off, as it has not been turned in yet. The husband is waiting on a publication, but his drag-ass adviser won't finish his end of the work.  It's always just over the rise, but now I'm not excited. A bit apathetic.

I did finally get it through my head that his job isn't dependent on the academic calendar as postdocs don't generally teach. So I don't have to get nervous that as the end of the semester approaches, it puts us back another semester. I'm still trying to rid my mind of the idea that we'll be gone by next semester. That's just foolishness.

I also got to stop fretting about how I never see any listings for postdocs in his specific field. I set up google alerts a year ago, and get several emails a day to sift through for the keywords I know. There are fields I have learned to hate, from the overabundance of jobs available. One day I will meet one of these scientists, and I will have to remind myself not to pinch them.  It's not their fault ________ is totally hot right now!

So, he's pretty sure that the job he'll find (the good one) will result from letters sent directly to people working in his field. And he hasn't done that yet because he's waiting until after his latest paper is published. I want to poke people, make this thing move along.  His adviser also went to Large Fancy College a week ago and talked to some potential bosses.  Weee!

The latest ohmygod thing that's happened in our house is our landlord giving us the tactless news that he's thinking about letting someone else live in our house. Yup, we're renters. It's not a "I hate you! You painted the bathroom blue! I want new tenants!" situation.  It's not even something he's sure of. But it lit a fire under our asses and we want to know where we are.  I'd hate to have to make a move in town, then immediately out of town. It's a ways off, and hopefully we'll be gone by then, but we had a few days of SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.  The husband did see the silver lining: maybe he can use this to make his adviser move faster.

So far, not really happening.

In my own news, I have fallen off the yoga/sewing bandwagon. I feel pretty ashamed of myself for getting all hyped about sewing (my new future career!) and then quitting. I haven't quit, I just haven't had the time/space to do anything. And I think I need to take some time off from my lessons and do some independent study (saves money, too).  Now is the time of year to concentrate on a different craft: Halloween costumes. I've started mine, and it will take a while. As usual, I've offered to help everyone else with theirs.  It's my only real talent, not one that will help me in the wild, but makes me feel pretty good.  I wish I could post pictures!

The job is the same, but I'm doing a little better at standing up for myself.  I've had lots of opportunities to prove myself to be a good boss/supervisor, and some to prove I'm still a little immature.  I'm working on a manual of how to do my job, since the few procedures I inheirited aren't very fleshed out.  It's hilariously conversational, and I hope my successor actually gets it.  I wish I could leave a little "hang in there!" note. 

I've made friends with two other ladies that are in a similar position, marriage/career-wise, so it's good to see I"m not alone.  It's hard to talk about this stuff with people who aren't there (thus the blog, and my failing quest to find other like-minded bloggers) so being able to bounce ideas off of these ladies is so helpful. I'm not being pitied or misunderstood, and they don't look at me like I'm a whiner. At least not yet.  And even if it sounds terrible to say it's good to see people who are having the same problems, it is. It's good to know you're not alone, and to see how people are handling life.  Hopefully we'll all have something to teach each other.