Progress Report

So, if you haven't moseyed over to Jumbo Jibbles you are missing a TON of non-mopey posts.  I'm doing great in San Jose and have some mini-art up at a gallery next week.  Ok, not actually "up", but there's a once-a-month thing where artists submit tiny pieces of drawing, painting, whatnot that people can buy for $2.  But who cares- I'm up!

I'm updating about five days a week, so come on!

Successes! Sort of!

The deadline for the big job is on Friday, and I've got a stack of resume/cover letter edits to perfect.  There is also another job about to open, but it is below my pay grade.  If it weren't for J graduating and on a job search, I'd go for it. I'd love working for the boss there, but it would be a band-aid solution, I think.  If there were a way to up the pay, heck yeah! But I got two mouths to feed (and one of them is 31).

I'm excited about the big job, though.  Even though I feel utterly green compared to the person leaving it (retiring), I do meet the requirements listed, and not just minimally.  It's strange writing a resume for a job within your organization. What to leave out? What do they already know? Is a level of informality ok? I have no idea, so I'm trying to play it safe.  They know who I am, so if they consider me or not, the written documents won't make or break me unless I mail them in with ketchup stains or lie about a presidential term.

I've been reading the Ask a Manager blog religiously for the past month (honestly, for the past 5 years).  The great thing about that blog is that she almost always answers your questions, even if it doesn't warrant a blog post.  I read about her on Feministing long, long ago and reading that blog has helped me land a job, keep it, get better at it and hopefully get a new one.  Thanks Allison Green!  It must be good, if I've mentioned it in my own blog four times already.

Other than jobs, my other good news is that I got into an art show with my little sculptures.

Unfortunately, there isn't a venue for the show.  It's being put on by an organization that I have volunteered and served on the board of directors for.  It has been in the same place every single time with the exception of one year, but it looks like their luck ran out.  I know it is self-centered, but why the first year I was able to submit, and get in?  I have a super sad face.

This weekend is J's commencement ceremony, and we'll be partying down with both sets of parents, my sister and his sister.  Everyone is awesome, so I'm looking forward to it.  It will be nice to have a few people to be with during the 4 HOUR GRADUATION.  Thank god for iPod touch games.  Tiny Wings, we are about to get to know each other very well.

Status Report

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, J asked me if I had my druthers, would I want to stay here or move.  That's not an easy answer.  From the start of our marriage (and even before) the plan was he'd get his PhD, and we'd travel on his career path together (since I hadn't figured one out yet). So, as he started to get finished up, I started to disconnect myself from my town.  I did not renew my membership on a non-profit board that could probably have used me there, because I didn't want to drop out halfway through the year.  I stopped work on a craft fair I had been wanting to organize.  I refused a nomination to the staff senate at the university where I worked.  Twice.  At one point, even after I realized the poor treatment at my work was not going to change no matter how proactive I became, I refused to find another job that I would just have to quit soon after. At many points in here, I gave up hope.  I packed things up.  I sold 1/3 of my belongings.  I decided not to plant the garden this year.  I have been protesting any large Christmas gifts for YEARS because I didn't want to move with them.  God knows we could have used a new couch a long time ago. I hit pause.

But you can't hit pause on life. It keeps going, things accumulate, experience accumulates until it totally makes sense to go for that better-paying job even if the future is murky.  Submit some artwork to that show*.  Make some new friends and stop acting like they'll just be saying goodbye to you soon.

So, do I want to stay?  If I hadn't spent the last four years preparing to leave, yes. Of course. I'd made good friends, good connections, I love my house.  But I feel like I've spent four years refusing to grow and soiling my reputation with a flaky assertion that I'd be "leaving soon".  That feels really bad.  I have a hang-up about looking like a flake, but I think that's because it's what I'm known for by now.  I'm the one who's always saying she's moving but hasn't gone anywhere.

I shouldn't care what people think.  But I do care about all the wasted time and the negative parts of my reputation caused by it.  I want a fresh start.

That puts a lot of pressure on J.  I know there was always pressure, but I think it's part of the bargain when he's the one leading the charge.  I've got a different kind of pressure, one that isn't as valued or supported, as evidenced by the lack of blogs about trailing/traveling spouses.

I shouldn't be writing this blog-- I should be polishing my resume and writing a cover letter.  I have always been my worst enemy**.


*Somewhat hilariously (not at all) put on by the non-profit I had worked with and resigned from.  But I just got an email saying I'd gotten in but they didn't have a venue, so there wouldn't be a show.  Great.
**I'm not actually having a bad day.  It's just a real thinky day.

Cactus Hat: Part 3

J models the cactus.  Moments later, it pops off of his giant head.

Paper pulp and toothpicks

Barrel Cactus!

Close up on spines

Things are going well with the hat.  Tonight, the paper pulp will dry, and tomorrow I'll do one last layer of newspaper and paper mache to reinforce the needle globs (not sure what else to call them).  Then it's time for a lot of painstaking painting.

What the difference between crafts and art?

Watching that Hennesy Youngman video and thinking about art (which I seldomly do in a serious way), I wondered what separates art from crafts.  I'd probably know this if I'd taken a single art class in college or high school.  Whoops!  A quick google of "difference between crafts and art" brought up an essay by Denis Dutton (and also a website called differencebetween.net, which does what it says) goes into the utilitarian aspects of crafts (which were mostly utiilitarian until the 18th century) and supposedly useless nature of art.  I'm probably not going to dispute that difference, because what I've always been curious about is is anything I make art? If craft is technique, my technique is not actually that good (why I don't rush to create an etsy store). My creations don't pose questions and are generally not useful.  They do bring enjoyment, and are replicas of existing objects.

Art by Gabby Schultz

Craft by Anca of Firststitch.etsy.com

Some of the things I make I would like to call art.  In the back of my head I feel this is pretentious, but it may just be low self-esteem.  Or that I know lots of artists and I do not feel like part of their community.  Or I haven't had any formal training or education in art history/theory.  When I think about my sculptures, I think they are art, because they are one-of-a-kind little scenes that are delicate.  But I also think of making more than one of each so I can sell them, and that seems wrong if framed as art.  But not if framed as craft.  This probably has to do with the different economies of arts versus crafts.  Etsy is mostly what I guess would be crafts, and is a marketplace.  But I don't think of marketplaces when I think of art.

I think it's important to have a proper label (for myself) so when I explain what I do I don't fall back into the female habit of self-effacing.  You don't have to use the word, but it's good to have that option.  I found a discussion on a UK crafts site that asks people what they like to call themselves, and one commenter said it's good to have a name so you'll have an answer when people ask you what you do.   So, I think because of my high levels of creativity and lower levels of skill, I would call myself a designer.  I can make things, but I'm sure someone else could make them better if I just gave them the drawings and models.

Video time!*

J showed me some videos from Hennesy Youngman, a guy wearning Cosby sweaters and gold chains and explaining art better than any of my artsy friends (no offense artsy friends, but I didn't have a single art theory/history class in college).  I know this is tongue-in-cheek, but start off an art history class with this, and you'll have everyone listening to what comes next:

J's been making homemade yogurt lately, and it is the bomb.  I like yogurt on occasion, but I'm seldom tempted to buy fridge-fulls of little plastic yogurts and eat orgasmically while twirling in a field of flowers. That's how it's done, right? Here's Sarah Haskin's debut Target:Women video about yogurt.  It is so true:

 

Listening to Genghis Tron.  I'm not sure if it's to annoy my boss, or so I can concentrate. I like voices, but I don't like to listen to music with recognizable lyrics while I'm working.  I never listened to metal until I met J, but it's mostly for atmosphere than pure musical enjoyment.  My mind doesn't totally get it as music, but I respect the art form.

*Nothing to do with trailing/traveling spouses.  Feminist issues, though, abound. Talk amongst yourselves!

Professional photos! Always a great gift.

My best friend's husband took really great photos of all the stuff I've made recently.  He says I was doing him a favor by giving him a reason to make a soft box, but this is awesome:

Tiny Park, Arkansas

I'll post more later.

Hello? I have good news?

After taking just a few days off posting, I can now tell all my traffic comes from one place: Two Body Problem.  Thank you!  When I update, I go to the top of her blogroll, and people come over.

So, the good news.  The husband FINALLY was able to send out some letters (three to be exact) and he's already heard back from two of them.  Ones a definite no (doesn't have the funding for another scientist) and the other said, "Cool! I know you! Let me get back to you in a prompt manner, but you sound cool!"  This is all very new and exciting, this promptness of communication.  Husband was flabbergasted.

AND luckily, the one that didn't have a job for him was in Madison, WI.  I hear this  place is very cold and the people eat snow and cheese. I like the latter part, but I wasn't made for the former.  I was really looking forward to meeting Joanne from A Mathematician's Wife.  Or, well, asking if she ever wanted to meet up.

Columbus, Ohio, I hear, does have the cold, but it doesn't sound as terribly wintry as Wisconsin. I'm deluding myself before doing the research.  It's cold here in the Ozarks right now, but not terrible.  I am still riding my bike to work, but we rarely have to deal with snow.

I made three small sculptures to give as Christmas presents, and I think I should post some pictures on here.  I don't think the people who I'm giving them to know about this blog, so I think we're safe!  A friend of mine who is building his own portfolio in photography has agreed to take some real pictures of them, which I'll post when they get done. For now, you'll have to do with mine.

Saturn and 63 moons

Trashy park (idea slightly stolen from D. Hayde)

And that's Moon.  The moon. I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe something like The Little Prince?

I'm really just looking for any reason to drill a hole in something.

I feel kind of bad about art-type gifts.  I am not an artist, but I like to make things.  I often give hand-made gifts.  But this time I am experimenting in something I've always wanted to try: sculpture.  And specifically on a very small scale.    So, I'm essentially giving people my experiments, and that doesn't sit right with me.  I feel like something is wrong if a handmade gift wasn't made initially with the person in mind.  Feels kind of dirty.   I don't think the gifts are badly made or my "seconds", but I feel like I am being dishonest.  Giving these as gifts gave me the motivation to try new things, so I think I should stop overthinking it.  I wonder if other artists have these thoughts about giving art as gifts.  I have a few paintings done by friends that they gave to me as a gift, but I didn't see any conflict in their faces.