Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiids

Two people have asked me (in just the last three days) if I'm going to have children.  Granted, one was a man from Yemen and one was a nurse, but WTF, mates?  For the latter, I'd gone in for a non-baby prescription refill and a problem with my toenail.  Babies? What?

Having children is something I've thought of. A lot.  I've read lots of books. I read blogs.  I talk to people my age and older who are parents.  I'm not shying away from the subject.  J and I talked about having kids before we decided to get married, and one of the things that attracted me to him was that he would make a really good father*.

My doctor asked me if I was thinking about having kids, and I told her I had an IUD that was good for another three years.  She said, "Well that could be taken out today!" And I replied, "BUT IT'S GOOD FOR FIVE YEARS AND THAT'S WHY I HAD IT PAINFULLY THRUST INTO MY UTERUS."  Ok, I did not all-caps at her, but I was flustered. I gave her my reasons why it's not something I personally wanted to do yet, reasoned arguments about pursuing my interests, spending time with my spouse and keeping my body mine.**  Her response and tone made me gag a little:

"Well, that's just the educated person talking".

Let me remind readers that I work on a college campus and this was the campus clinic.  She went on to say that most parents never crack a book about it and do just fine.  I couldn't shake the feeling that she was on the "Just jump in!" bandwagon.  Regardless of my want for children? Our financial readiness? Lady, love doesn't keep anyone alive. Especially in this economy.  I usually really like this APN, but she sounded judgy and I kept expecting her to say, "You'll change your mind!" which is incredibly rude.  How do you know my mind better than me?  Or worse, what if I change my mind after I have a baby?  No one ever tells a woman who wants kids that she'll regret it one day, that she'll change her mind or that she's selfish. These are common slurs tossed at childfree women.  To pull a comment from Where are the child-free role-molels?"

When I was growing up people kept saying "you'll change your mind". I wonder how many folks ever tell reproduction-inspired young women that they might someday "change their minds".

When I was younger, I never said things like, "I will never have kids", because I realized that I was still turning into the woman I'd become.  Almost 30, I'm pretty sure I'm almost a finished entity. And I'm slowly becoming more interested in spending the rest of my life with J and only J.  If that's what we decide to do, you can bet that I'll be berated but no one will probably question his decision.

No Kidding: On being childfree and really liking kids
A typical dose of judgment in which I wonder if this person is really trying to convince herself.
Why is it selfish to be child-free?
A whole series parodying that selfish "bitch" who chose not to have children!
That really depressing NYTimes article about unhappy parents (does not apply to everyone but gives me pause)
9 Reasons to Have/13 to not

None of what I'm saying is to judge anyone for having kids.  I wish I had a drive to do it, and maybe I will later.  But if I don't, I'd like to live my life happily without anyone telling me what I'm missing.  I already get that from meat-eaters.  All. The. Time.  This subject has just been so front-and-center for me lately.  All my lady-blogs are blowing up with it, people I know, friend's parents. The only person who hasn't really bugged me is my mom***.

*I was shelving books in the Parenting & Childbirth section of my library at the time, so it's not as weird as it sounds.
**I am not saying a pregnant woman or mother does not have bodily autonomy. I am frightened of mother mortality and icky American birth practices/attitudes.
***Who was put on a 5-year grandbaby moratorium the day of my wedding. She has kept her promise.

CPCs and Jesus's career as a gyno

Well guess what-- Jesus isn't a gynecologist. You'd be surprised, though, how often his name is spoken to women in supposed "crisis pregnancy centers" as a part of the counseling session for abortions, birth control, or STI testing.  There are a few of these in my town, and when I first heard the term CPC, I did some research to root them out.  It's pretty much made me distrust any logo with a butterfly. (Look for yourself to see if you have any masquerading in your town).


One of my student employees asked to talk to me in my office today.  She's come in to get things off her chest before, and I appreciate that she feels safe enough at work and close enough with me to let me know when personal stuff may intrude on work.  We don't gab about boys, but if there's a problem, she'll let me know and ask my advice.  This is one more situation that makes me realize I am an adult now, whether I like it or not, and I hope I'm up to the challenge.


Seems that yesterday she went to a free clinic for an STI test (I applauded her responsibility) and quickly found out it was a CPC.  She had a little inkling that they existed, but had looked at their website and didn't find anything that sounded, as she said, "Jesus-y".   She's a strong young woman, so she didn't cow to their judgment, and they are very lucky she didn't bring out the temper than can be the bane of a customer service job.  She knew what she was there for and what they were supposed to give, so she waited for the spiel to be over and left.  They told her the results might take 6 weeks.  That made me raise my eyebrows, so I looked it up:

It usually takes about 48 hours to get the results of a STD test. Some tests like the one for syphilis takes about seven to 10 days. HIV test results can be obtained within three days. Chlamydia and gonorrhea test results take about a week. Tests done to check HIV infection can also provide information regarding the presence of some other STDs in the body. A urine and blood sample is usually taken during STD check-up. Symptoms like spots, wounds and sores are also looked into. -link

I told her that since she was dubious about their practices and unprofessional behavior, she should go to the county health clinic.  I said it might not be full of butterflies and people to hold your hand, but they're professionals and will get the job done, in less than six weeks (for chris'sakes).  We had a talk about being an adult and making decisions about your health, and she was on the same page but wanted some backup.  So I backed her up, as feminist as I pleased.

Of course, while taking blood for the STI test, they insisted she get a pregnancy test since she was there.  Fortunately for her, she's ok.  Unfortunately for them, they won't be able to force a woman to talk about a fetus she doesn't want to carry.  She said she wouldn't go back, and I suggested she let her girlfriends know what it is, and they can make that decision for themselves.  With everything a young woman in college has on her mind, the last thing she needs is a stranger pretending to help but really offering judgment.  I'm glad she got out of there, and I hope she turns out ok.

Her 'counselor' didn't know the difference between the uterus and cervix. Bad sign.

Please remember that Planned Parenthood will help you do whatever you decide is best and will not judge you.  They are a medical provider for safe, common and legal procedures as well as normal exams, sexual health and birth control.  And if you still want to go to a CPC for free services if you can't get them at PP, remember that you have the right to autonomy and respect.  If they ask to pray for you, tell them they're free to as you are walking away.

Resources about CPCs:

Feministe
Wikipedia
NARAL
Footage of service at a CPC
CPC Watch: Exposing fake clinics
True/False on Abortion Counseling from Guttmacher Institute

Livid and inarticulate: Planned Parenthood Funding Axed in Budget Cuts

The House voted today to stop federal funding of Planned Parenthood.  The vote passed 240-185.  That means 10 Democrats voted for this?  Planned Parenthood (bless them, fund them, donate to them) gets one third of their funding from the government. And I never thought that I'd link to Fox News, but there's an article about how a proposal from Betty McCollum (D-MN) about cutting Nascar funding (WTF) was voted down, while cutting family planning funds down.  Drag racing up, women's lives down!  I'm trying to track down how representatives in Arkansas voted, but I know it's not good.  What can you do? Sign a stupid internet petition, write a real letter, call, show up in person with a sign? Right now, bills are being crafted that will make it ok for a person to kill a doctor for performing an abortion if that person is doing it to save the fetus's life [Update: it's gone now, but why did it exist in the first place???].  It is all I can do to not send emails to all representatives in AR that just say "YOU FUCKING SUCK".  I know it's not the end, but really? Birth control for horses, but not for human women.

Never let anyone say that there is no need for feminism anymore. Make them explain why.  Make them explain this. And this. And this.

Yay! Step one! Eat it, Boehner and Shitty Democrats!

The various campaigns to strike a re-definition of rape from HR3 have had their first success: the wording has been taken out, but it's still a heinous bill.  Laugh at twitter, but it can get fiery.  Keep calling and writing your senators and don't stop thinking about people who have less than you-- be that money, privilege, access or power-- and how this affects them.  Here's some Kristen Schaal on The Daily Show to remind us all how effing stupid and mean people can really be.  J just declared this video "semi-epic".  I agree:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rape Victim Abortion Funding
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

Tiger Beatdown's latest post has the list of the shitty Dems who decided to vote yes on HR3, one of which is, of course, from Arkansas.  Hello Mike Ross!  So, I went to his website to see if I could shoot off a "You sir, are a douchebag" letter, and lo and behold, even if you type in a zipcode that applies to his district, you still can't send an email.  The contact form just loops back to the same spot, and the code is messed up.  So, if you can hear this, MIKE ROSS, YOU SIR, ARE A DOUCHEBAG.  I spare no eloquence in these matters.

Going back to work tomorrow, just in time to start dreaming about the weekend. Thanks snow!

John Boehner, "Rape-rape", and what we can do about it

*Trigger warning*

Top-priority in this country, in John Boehner's POV, is changing the definition of rape.  Not for the better, mind you, but to make sure that less women are covered for government-funded abortions that result from sexual assault.  You probably read about "rape-rape" during the latest surge of the Polanski debate, but now our politicians are seriously differentiating a violent assault from date rape, statutory and coercion.   The way it's been, only rape and incest are covered by the government for abortion funding. So to further whittle that down, the Repubs want to define what "kind" of rape they're willing to include in this exemption.  Drugged? No. Unconscious and woke up with someone inside you that you did not consent to?  Young teen molested by your stepdad? No. No.

Rape is rape. There is not "rape-ier" rape. There is no tiered system.  There is abuse and hopefully there is help, but many people in government want to take away the second option.

Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown has started another twitter campaign, and if you smirk at that kind of idea, that's fine, but it works to get the word out (@JohnBoehner, #DearJohn).  Write to your representatives about this, tweet about it, write about it, and don't let it go down silently.  It isn't hard-- fill out a form, tell them what you think about what's happening.  A redefinition of rape is terrible in terms of abortion coverage, but it may have far-reaching legal implications that will obviously not help survivors and victims.

Think about how fucking awful any sexual assault is, then think about being told you weren't raped enough to get government assistance. And you can't afford an abortion on your own.  Or raise a child. This makes me so ashamed of our country right now.