Who's on twitter?

In an attempt at search engine optimization, I created a twitter account last November, but haven't used it much. My lack of a smart phone is a hindrance on tweeting, so I never remember to post anything.  I should, as it's a great way to publicize my blog and get more readers/community members.  Every once in a while I do a twitter search for trailing spouse keywords, and today I found the Trailing Husband blog:

That's how people find my blog too!  Depressing, but not depressing at the same time.

I am also now infinitely more google-able.  If you search "trailing spouse blog" (but without the quotes) I am on the second page.  That's up from the 17th!  That means that next time some lady all tripped up on gender expectations and fear of moving figures out that "trailing spouse", as odious as it sounds, is a term she can use, she may stumble onto my blog and feel a little better.  And find other people's blogs, and maybe stop stumbling.  Guys, too, because it's not boys against girls.  Gender expectations make things suck for everyone.

So, if y'all have twitter accounts, let me know and I'll follow you!

Defined by your job?

Eileen at Dissertation Under Construction wrote a piece yesterday called Visibility and Women's Work that really struck a chord for me:

J has worked at a summer theater every summer since I moved to Overcast three and a half years ago, and usually it's great.  Long hours, but the people he works with are mostly fun and reasonably acquainted with the fact that graduate school is work, since some of them are thinking about grad school themselves.  Except for a few people, mostly straight men, who seem to think that intellectual work, especially done by a woman, is not work at all.  I'm aware that I'm extraordinarily privileged, in that my university gave me a funding package which allows me to solely work on my dissertation during the summers.  I don't have to pick up a second job or teach unless I choose to, so when we meet people for drinks after work or whatever, my answer to "what did you do today" is usually "read another book" and not "rigged 500 pounds of lights/built a giant platform for people to dance on." 

She is a grad student, academic and pretty awesome.  But her work isn't seen by some (mainly men) as real.  In my years with J, I've never heard anyone dismiss his work (theoretical physics mainly done from a couch) as fluff.  I couldn't do what she does, and without people like her the breadth and diversity of our knowledge base would dwindle.  Why is it that tasks are deemed less important when you have a woman do it?

I need to realize (and remember, and repeat to myself) that people who think like this are major douchebags, and I don't negotiate with douchebags.  It will still irk me, but I should correct them when I can and move along.

The things I like to do, that really bring me joy, are not what most people would call a career track.  I may never have a career in the sense that J has a career, but that doesn't mean I haven't done something with myself.   Eileen wrote about how what you do for money doesn't have to be what defines you.  It's great if it does, and defines you in a good way, but life isn't always work.

What I need to do is strengthen my non-"work" skills, so the after-work sphere of my life grows larger and more important.  People may not respect the things I like to do (sewing, sculpting) as real work, but I need to.  And I don't think I've been truly respecting my talents.

It's easier said than done, to not give credit to what others think of you.  But starting this summer, I'm going to try to not care.

Eat it, haters.

Trailing/Traveling/Accompanying Spouse Link Round-up

Here are some new blogs I've found:

Way Off Base: military spouse blog, many expat stories

Tales of an Accidental Trailing Spouse: expat blog

The Trailing Spouse Survey: a rather intensive study on 264 trailing spouses from 20 different country (nothing domestic, though)

The Fatidical* Question: This glimpse at an expat women's experience at cocktail parties with her husband pretty much proves that people are jerks.

Tokyo Blond: expat blog in Japan, no kids! (on purpose)

I'm still looking for those illusive blogs by women with no children moving domestically.  Ladies? Ladies?

*Word of the week! I had no idea what this meant (prophetic) and actually assumed it was misspelled.

Oh here we go! A new word everybody! WINGSPOUSE(tm)

Alrighty, not only have a found a new term to replace our decrepit and roundly-hated trailing spouse, but it also offers a new direction! That is, no direction at all but to support your husband.  WINGSPOUSEe(tm)* is an executive help-meet, but who cares about concise vocabulary, when you don't need to worry about a pesky career anymore!

Can I be a wingspouse™ partner and still have a career?It’s possible to be employed outside of the home and still act like a wingspouse™ in some capacity. A few wingspouses are lucky enough to have a career that directly benefits the executive spouse. However, a true wingspouse™ is a full-time and equal partner to the executive. She enjoys being professionally challenged, but finds a separate career difficult because of executive career expectations, time demands, relocations, or family responsibilities. That’s just the nature of the beast. If this sounds like you, then you probably have the makings of a wingspouse.

Isn't WINGSPOUSE(tm) just another way of saying a woman's place is at her husband's side? Or the kitchen? Maybe I'm looking at this too harshly, but the solution here is not to find your own identity but to find a way to more successfully carve it out of his:

She enjoys the success of the executive’s career and actively participates in that success using her own unique set of skills.

Oy.  Over on the LA Times blog, one writer seems to think this is AWESOME (since when did married women not think being a good wife was important? Feminism doesn't mean marry a man just to torture him).

Wouldn't it be better for her spouse and children if she were to opt for a more traditional role — full-time wife, full-time mom, full-time writer of thank-you notes — a choice that continues to be embraced by many forces in our culture?

My head and my desk are having a party right now.  This is what I was talking about a few days about about not being able to surmount these ideas of traditional roles if I take one.  What also irks me is that it assumes a one-income household is possible for most people.

Good on her for making the website and trying to sell this idea, but WINGSPOUSE(tm) makes me want to WINGSPEW.

*It's all caps or go home. This website is crazy-pants.

Trailing Spouses, Military Wives and Righteous Indignation

Ask a Manager answered a question from a military spouse today that was VERY pertinent to my interests:

I will be giving my (two week) notice at my job this Friday.  I’m not leaving to take another job.  I’m leaving because the Army is moving us ….. again.  Unfortunately, in order to get the job, I had to fib and tell the bosses that we’d be staying in the area (and would eventually retire here) and I think that’s one of the reasons why they hired me — I said I was sticking around.  Many employers will not hire military spouses if they think they are leaving soon, and the reality is that I usually have to “fib” about how long we’re staying in order to get any job.

Oy! Sound familiar?  This was my go-to excuse for not trying to get out of my current work situation, not wanting to start a job when I knew we might move.  You know who "might" move? Anyone!  I wasted years not letting myself move on, and that totally sucks.  I wish I knew if this lady had a blog, because I'd read the hell out of it.

The commenters on the post chastise her for her "fibbing" and tell her she's an out-right liar.  This got my hackles up immediately.  She can tell the truth and hope she's not dropped for the possibility she may move, she can omit what her spouse does for a living, or she can just stop living her life completely until she drops dead and finally "commits" to a burial plot.

When I asked my HR department whether or not I should tell my boss about J's graduation, we got into a talk about the possibility of relocation if he gets a good job.  I said that was definitely a possibility, but since I have no control over his job prospects, it's hardly fair to judge me for it.  One of the HR crazies even suggested that I let them know about his progress as soon as he gets an interview!  It's like I'd grown a third arm or something, and that third arm was looking for a new job.  Candace at Army Wives Lives answered a similar question to the one above, much more articulately:

Most states do not specifically grant military spouses protection from employment discrimination.  However, you may not discriminate against someone based on marital status.  An employer making inquiries about your marriage for any purpose is simply inappropriate.  They also cannot ask if you are planning to get pregnant and take maternity leave in the near future.

Yes, I do sort of have control over where he gets a job (once he gets an offer) and we are a unit.  I'm stuck to/with him for life, and I'm glad of that, but we are two different people.  I do not want to be thought of in terms of him when looking for a job.  It's enough to pull up roots and move somewhere for someone else, so I found it completely insulting that the commenters at Ask a Manager wouldn't even give her the concession of not offering up conjecture in an interview.

I see it as a bias similar to avoiding women because maybe someday they'll get pregnant and have to take time off.  Planning for the future is a part of being a manager, but there are some assumptions that shouldn't be made, for the dignity of your employee.

So, now I need to go find army spouse blogs, because that is a corner of the internet I never even thought to look in!  If anyone knows a good one, please let me know in the comments.  I'm in a lather right now and will probably have to come back to this later to make it more succinct.

Summer Book Club!

Freeze Dried has started a summer book challenge for June over at her blog.  Here's what she's got to say about it:

Come up with a list of books that you want to read by June 30, 2011. The list could be as short or as long as you'd like. Those books gathering dust on that shelf there? You want to put those on your list. The ones you're already reading? Perfect, throw them on there too. And feel free to pull from my booklist on the sidebar.

The goal is to write one post a week about the book / books that you have read during the week. If you haven't finished a book before your post it due, that's cool beans!, post anyway - talk about your thoughts on the book so far.

Ping me so I put you on the blog list again.

I think it's a great idea now that J and I have time to read (well, I've always had it, but reading together is awesome).  Once I figure out how to put the little list up on my sidebar, I'll get cracking.  We're halfway through the second book in George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire, A Clash of Kings, and I'm about to start Alice Randall's The Wind Done Gone, a reinterpretation of Gone With the Wind.

Scarlett O'Hara and Mammy.  Image from Popular

 I haven't read Gone with the Wind, but growing up in the South and having seen the movie a few times, I think I can skip it.  If it's between reading "American Classics" and trying something by a marginalized writer, I'll go with the latter.  Gone with the Wind is pretty solidly in the American consciousness, so it's like I was born with it in my harddrive.

More to come!  I need to do a little write-up on Vox, the classic phone-sex novel by Nicholson Baker.  It's more awesome than it sounds.

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiids

Two people have asked me (in just the last three days) if I'm going to have children.  Granted, one was a man from Yemen and one was a nurse, but WTF, mates?  For the latter, I'd gone in for a non-baby prescription refill and a problem with my toenail.  Babies? What?

Having children is something I've thought of. A lot.  I've read lots of books. I read blogs.  I talk to people my age and older who are parents.  I'm not shying away from the subject.  J and I talked about having kids before we decided to get married, and one of the things that attracted me to him was that he would make a really good father*.

My doctor asked me if I was thinking about having kids, and I told her I had an IUD that was good for another three years.  She said, "Well that could be taken out today!" And I replied, "BUT IT'S GOOD FOR FIVE YEARS AND THAT'S WHY I HAD IT PAINFULLY THRUST INTO MY UTERUS."  Ok, I did not all-caps at her, but I was flustered. I gave her my reasons why it's not something I personally wanted to do yet, reasoned arguments about pursuing my interests, spending time with my spouse and keeping my body mine.**  Her response and tone made me gag a little:

"Well, that's just the educated person talking".

Let me remind readers that I work on a college campus and this was the campus clinic.  She went on to say that most parents never crack a book about it and do just fine.  I couldn't shake the feeling that she was on the "Just jump in!" bandwagon.  Regardless of my want for children? Our financial readiness? Lady, love doesn't keep anyone alive. Especially in this economy.  I usually really like this APN, but she sounded judgy and I kept expecting her to say, "You'll change your mind!" which is incredibly rude.  How do you know my mind better than me?  Or worse, what if I change my mind after I have a baby?  No one ever tells a woman who wants kids that she'll regret it one day, that she'll change her mind or that she's selfish. These are common slurs tossed at childfree women.  To pull a comment from Where are the child-free role-molels?"

When I was growing up people kept saying "you'll change your mind". I wonder how many folks ever tell reproduction-inspired young women that they might someday "change their minds".

When I was younger, I never said things like, "I will never have kids", because I realized that I was still turning into the woman I'd become.  Almost 30, I'm pretty sure I'm almost a finished entity. And I'm slowly becoming more interested in spending the rest of my life with J and only J.  If that's what we decide to do, you can bet that I'll be berated but no one will probably question his decision.

No Kidding: On being childfree and really liking kids
A typical dose of judgment in which I wonder if this person is really trying to convince herself.
Why is it selfish to be child-free?
A whole series parodying that selfish "bitch" who chose not to have children!
That really depressing NYTimes article about unhappy parents (does not apply to everyone but gives me pause)
9 Reasons to Have/13 to not

None of what I'm saying is to judge anyone for having kids.  I wish I had a drive to do it, and maybe I will later.  But if I don't, I'd like to live my life happily without anyone telling me what I'm missing.  I already get that from meat-eaters.  All. The. Time.  This subject has just been so front-and-center for me lately.  All my lady-blogs are blowing up with it, people I know, friend's parents. The only person who hasn't really bugged me is my mom***.

*I was shelving books in the Parenting & Childbirth section of my library at the time, so it's not as weird as it sounds.
**I am not saying a pregnant woman or mother does not have bodily autonomy. I am frightened of mother mortality and icky American birth practices/attitudes.
***Who was put on a 5-year grandbaby moratorium the day of my wedding. She has kept her promise.

Thorn in my side

When I decided to start this blog, I first did a lot of googling to see if any existed.  Yay! But no. Most of them either have not been updated in years or are about the trailing/travling spouse subject only in title.  I just spent an hour combing through Observations of a Trailing Spouse to find only a handful  of posts that had anything to do with trailing.  Hrmph. How do I make my blog come closer to the top?

Maybe I'll post an all-memes-in-one image:

from huffingtonpost.com

Come to me, my pretties!

Guest Post: Freeze-dried

Freeze-Dried is a female grad student on-her-way-out-of-the-twenties. She's into SF/F, food, hugs and some (albeit very little) exercise. She is Mostly Harmless and can be reached at frozendry.at.gmail.com.

Dear A.b.,

Ever since you’ve invited me to do a guest post in this space, I’ve been wondering about what I can say as a traveling spouse that you haven’t already – incredibly honestly and eloquently – addressed.  And I’m convinced that I can’t do an abstract idea-post related to being a traveling spouse*. My solution, forgive my indulgence, is to focus on me.

A couple of years ago, I decided to follow my partner, (not just because it is the right thing to do**), but because I wanted to***. At the time, although I was in a job that I thoroughly enjoyed, I hadn’t really begun to think of it as a career. After an initial wave of uncomfortable dependence (that passed with support from the spouse), I eventually maneuvered my way into my first unplanned “home-maker” year. I learnt to cook. I also learnt how not to trip over one’s laundry, and how to fold clothes (no, it is an ancient art, really) and sometime down that road, found out that I really wanted to find a career in the academe.

But more recently - sometime over the Christmas break, actually - I discovered that a lot of who I am has come to be built around one relationship. To most people that meet me now, I’m a spouse before I’m a person, much more in fact than P is. This is significantly different from our pre-travelling situation. Back then (it does feel like ages ago), I was an individual / a woman before anything else. I suspect a lot of this difference has to do with having chosen a dependent life.

Between commuting to work, hanging out with P and getting stuff done for school, for want of both time and interest, I do very little else. Consequently, new people meet me as a role rather than as a person. On the other hand, P, given the nature of his job and of our situation still has a more independent life than me. For instance, he meets people at his workplace as a so-and-so-specialist and the dynamics of a job allow for development of (a certain kind of) familiarity, while grad school can be very immersive and isolating.

Anyway, people meet P as an individual / a man before meeting him as a spouse.

[Okay, now is a good time for that interjection: P works his job (although he’d rather be pursuing his art), so that we can have the life that we do. For this, he has my highest respect. I must clarify that this post should in no way suggest that he is insensitive or otherwise oblivious to my concerns.]

Meet my freaking-the-fuck-out moment: In my own mind, I have become a spouse who is incidentally, doing other things.

Self, meet Insecurity. Insecurity, meet Self.

For me, this realization has been attended by some seriously debilitating angst, helplessness, and – surprise, surprise, possessiveness – the kind that has, in the past, made me run in the opposite direction. Coming to terms with this idea (that despite all the things I do, even I think of myself as a spouse first) hasn’t been easy. It means un-learning some things and re-learning some others. It means walking out of this comfort zone of a secure and familiar identity (that I didn't even realize I was building) and learning to be at home with the unknown. And perhaps most scarily, it means having to do this – being a traveling spouse – without losing myself.

A dear friend (who re-appeared quite of the blue to buoy me through this very personal crisis) said, “Being possessive is okay. But what matters is what you do when they’re around and what you do with yourself when they are not.” All suggestiveness aside, that’s my new goal. Yes, with the traveling spouse deal as it is, I don’t necessarily know how, if at all, I can have a completely independent identity without going back to a non-nomadic lifestyle. Hell, I don’t even know how I’m going to work at this.

But, I’m determined to atleast try.

Footnotes: 

*’cause almost everything about being one is so personal, init?

**Which is an expectation where I come from

*** A complete distrust of long-distance relationships may also have had something to do with this decision.

(Freeze-dried)

Snow Day #2

6 inches of snow? NO ONE driving on our road.

Too many projects going on, nothing getting done.

I went with friends to work out on Monday afternoon, and received a call that the whole university would be closed on Tuesday.  Magic.  Then I received a call on Tuesday for the Wednesday closing. More magic.  I have spent these two snow days (not ice days, fortunately) working on a puzzle and doing some light housework.

First puzzle since I was a kid. Strangely satisfying.

I told myself I'd spend these days (if they happened) doing really productive things, like starting on the next sewing project (large floor pillow).  Nope.  The snow is really nice, power isn't going out from the very light ice and we've got enough good food to keep us happy.  It's good getting to spend this much time with J.  Some free time is good for him.  So far, he's made a batch of kombucha, biscuits and yogurt.  And not once talked about work.  He seems relaxed, and even started working on his food blog!

On Monday I got an email from Heidi at Hands Occupied asking if I might write some guest posts while she moves with her (future) husband in the summer. I am thrilled.  We've got some things in common in the "trailing spouse" department, so I'm really glad to be her sounding board, and vice versa, about identity/marriage/moving issues.  However, she'll be very likely taking that step before me.

Heidi's fiance is an excellent craft helper with their ribbon wall.

[UPDATE: we are closed for Thursday, too. As an adult, I don't think I can ever hope for such luck again.]

Photo by Chris Clanton

Six Months of the Traveling Spouse

I started this blog six months ago. Seventy-eight posts later, I think I've come a long way emotionally, in that I don't feel totally alone, or that I'm making up problems for myself.  I've learned that the problems (that do exist) were not necessarily going to be solved by a change in circumstances, but a change in attitude.  We are going to move.  I am going to have to quit my job and pack up my house and go somewhere where I will have no social ties other than my husband.  Wallowing in self pity and loneliness will only make things worse, so I will need to buck up and make a plan, and stick to it.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that there are aspects of this that will be utterly fun.  And that just because I am somewhere because of my husband, that's just the beginning.  That's how I arrived, physically. I will find ways to slowly erase that and stand on my own.

But! in the depressing kind of news you probably read this blog for, I found an article on relocation's effects on people by gender, and guess what! Ladies have it worse.  I know I am a social person, and find people/things to do to fill any voids in my life.  I call it resourceful.  This just means I have to start from scratch, and knowing this ahead of time will hopefully make the transition less painful.  I consider this blog practice in rallying my defenses and finding allies.  So far it is working really well.  I've tried to write other blogs, but they usually peter out from lack of topics.  This is the first site I've had that has a running theme, and even though I haven't "traveled" yet, there is always something to mull over.  It's really exciting to see that people read it, and it only takes one comment to plaster a smile on my face.  As a friend said recently, "Just wait until you actually MOVE". Yeah, readers, watch out.

Until I move, it's all pictures of giant, stuffed artichokes. My craft projects
 bring the pageviews to the yard, uh-huh.

People! In my blog!

Oh goodness.  Hello everybody! I am sitting in a coffee shop silently bonding with J. as he does work (not distracting him of course) and when I checked my page views (ok, yes, I do that too frequently) I saw 98 people had come today.  Total flabbergastment ensued.  It seems a bigwig has linked to me on her/his twitter account, who blogs on the same blog as Comrade Physioprof (Drug Monkey on Science Blogs), who I remember is a huge commenter on feminist blogs from when I first started reading them.  I feel touched by greatness. What a Saturday morning!  If anyone is here who is married to an academic, welcome welcome welcome and I hope my ramblings set you at ease.  If you are an academic, please don't be offended by my whining.  I have learned so much since I started this blog.  If you are here because you love feminism, crafts, or the Alien franchise, I hope to not disappoint.

Congratulations are in order

No, don't get excited-- not for me, at least.  A close friend of ours (who introduced us, incidentally) is finishing up grad school and just got a job in Chicago.  He and his soon-to-be spouse will be moving there in June or July, which should put us just about in the same boat right.  Except they know where their boat is going! I am so excited for them, and eager to snap up any advance knowledge on the moving process. I talked to him yesterday and said, "This will be your first adult move," and he agreed.  Though he moved to another part of the country for grad school, this is the first non-school, real-job event.  I'm nervous because I've never moved anywhere by myself except for undergrad, and I was only an hour away from my parents.

We're going up to Michigan for their wedding in March. Hopefully by that time we'll know what's going on.  Heck, I'm nervous about even buying plane tickets at this point.

His fiancee is absolutely awesome.  She's got skills out the wazoo, so I'm sure she's not freaking out like I am about uprooting herself.  She has a craft blog called Hands Occupied where you can see all the crafts fall neatly from her brain.  The friend himself trained to be a student DJ at our college radio station on the same day as me, so that's when we met. He's a huge music nerd and a great friend.  He used to make me the best dance mixes for my parties and was one of Justin's groomsmen.  I am very tempted to post a picture of his Eddie Mercury costume from the night Justin and I met (at a Halloween party, of course).  I am going to bawl at this wedding.

How secret are my confessions?

This is a problem I'm sure all anonymous bloggers have: how anonymous am I? Who is that I don't want reading this?  Am I writing something I should be ashamed of if caught?

In my case, I would not like my husband reading this.  The anonymity makes it easier for me to get my feelings out.  Plus, since my name is not associated with the writing, I can use this as a therapeutic tool and not worry about the quality of the writing as much.  Attaching my name would give me instant writer's block.

In the beginning, when I was getting my head together and figuring out this new vocabulary, I said negative things about our situation.  But I also mention frequently that my husband is my best friend and a fantastic person. This blog is my outlet, and it keeps me from being mean to him when I'm feeling down.  So, does that cancel out the meanness in my posts?

I'd be heartbroken if he found this and felt bad (especially over issues we've worked through).  People have started commenting, and I feel like this blog may be accomplishing its purpose-- I wish I could tell him about it!  On some down days, people's comments have really perked me up and made me feel like, at least online, I am a positive force.  But I can't just say, "Hey, I started a blog, you can't read it, but it's a good thing".  It's natural to have some little secrets for yourself, but that's an implicit rule.  It defeats the purpose to tell your significant other, "I have a big secret I can't tell you!" and leave it.  

But it is also hard to keep it anonymous.  I do things I'm proud of, that I'd like to include in my blog.  I write about possibly losing my identity? I can't even talk about that identity!  I'm afraid he'll connect me to this, or vice versa.  Luckily, he hasn't seemed to interested in "trailing spouse" issues or reading any of Robin Pascoe's books (though I've suggested he might peruse one)*.  I started finding resources for this blog by reading lots of new scientist blogs, and we've started to overlap a little on that.  But what are the odds?

Other anonymous bloggers who came out, what made you finally do it?  

Deep down, I don't want to keep this a secret from him. Truthfully, I'd like secrets a whole lot better if you didn't have to keep them to yourself.  I'm not terribly mysterious.

*Why am I always reading little books here and there about relationship issues and he isn't? Blargh.

Is this a lady problem?

You know you have a problem, but no words to describe it.  Time goes by, and you tell yourself it's all in your head.  Then, when someone else says they have the same problem, thus validating it, you feel better! The problem is still there, but now you know you're not crazy.  This is for all the commenters who have assured me I"m not crazy. And I do feel a whole lot better.

Now I just need to find more blogs about domestic movers!  If I drop everything to follow my husband to Iowa, it's not quite the same as going to Borneo or something. At least with an international move, I'll have an air of worldliness and perhaps a new language.  No offense to Iowa, but you understand?  You take away the glamor of international travel (yeah, yeah, I'm reading all about that glamor) and it's just me schlepping around without a job.  Help prove me wrong! Where are you guys?

Truth bombs away!

On the London Relocation blog (which I didn't check out initially thinking it was just ads for flats) there's another great post about the need for a new name for trailing spouses, and about the resentment that happens in that strange, topsy-turvy world:

Tackling the first issue is primarily psychological—mind over matter, as they say.  It’s not to say that your concerns aren’t legitimate and you shouldn’t assert your viewpoints to ensure your side is understood and that your spouse will similarly make concessions to maintain the balance of power in the relationship.  However, it’s also imperative to recognize when maybe your side is understood and your spouse will and does make concessions, in which case the problem may rest largely in your mind, so requires a shift in outlook.

I put this in big because it's really important. Now, there probably are horrid power imbalances in some relationships, but if you've got a good one now, you can probably have a good one when things get crazy.  In my case, this is true. I've got a feminist husband. He's worth like, 20,000 heads of cattle. And 10 Cadillacs. But do I get some resentment brewing my head about this? Oh, hell yeah. Luckily I spotted it before it was too late.  Thank you blog, ye olde time-suck and navel-gazing cure-all.

Girl-crush revealed: Courtney and Adrienne of From Austin to A&M

My definition of girl-crush is less "have my babies" and more "I wanna try your clothes on".   From Austin to A&M is about being a transplanted grad student (somewhat pertinent to my interests) and about what happens after you lose your bullshit filter and can't stop seeing the madness around you.  These ladies pierce my heart with the intensity of their what-the-fuck-ness.  The latest post was about a highly anticipated AMC show about zombies totally failing the Bechdel Test*, before that a light skewering of the university paper.  I think I found this blog through Feministe, and it was just at a time when I needed a little feminist voice on sci-fi.  Really good criticism of misogyny in geek culture, which is really good to hear articulated because it's super confusing and upsetting.  From Austin to A&M reminds me of my first real adult female friend, who tried to instill some boy-sense into me before my freshman year of college, got me into cool music, and made me feel better by telling me that no, Virginia, this is not a post-feminist world.

*Be careful with the Bechdel Test. It may ruin your world (at least your movie/TV watching world).