New Support Group for Trailing Spouses - Sioux Falls, SD Edition

Though I don't blog on this site anymore, I would like to keep it open to others looking for resources. Any time you find a group (online or IRL) who is discussing these issues and lending support, please contact me and I'll put it up here.

Jaime (artist, mother, wife to an academic) recently made her first big move for her partner's career and founded a Facebook Group for working mother transplants in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Even if you aren't from that area (or a parent), you may still find common ground. Check it out: Sioux Falls Working Moms/Transplants Support Group. Remember-- men move for their spouses careers also, so please make sure you check this out despite the title's emphasis on mothers.

What they don't know

When I was in high school drama, I learned an important lesson: don't let the audience know you messed up, and they may not notice.  Don't let them know you're nervous and they'll assume you're a pro.  Once you break that wall and show you're vulnerability, there's no going back.

So when you're meeting people in your new town, and maybe you haven't gotten a job yet or have anything newsworthy going on, don't talk about that.  When the inevitable question comes up, "So what do you do?" don't bury yourself under your spouse's job or belittle your circumstances.  Be proud of what you used to do, say what you want to do.  Be confident!  No one is going to ask probing questions about your job status or choice to follow someone you love (and if they do, they are an ass and you don't need them.)

You're an adult, and life changes.  Be the confident person you were before you may have been shaken up by this move.  It's just one more change life throws at you, except you're catching that ball while running.

You've got nothing to be ashamed of.

No one is "just" a wife.

You may not be making your own money for a while, but that doesn't make you less of a citizen.

Doing something crazy and new? Own it.  Do you think people cared about the fact that my business was really fledgling and I wasn't sure if it was a good idea?  No, they were interested in what the business was and how I got it started.

Find something you're proud of and don't belittle it by pretending you aren't proud.

I hope anyone who is currently in the anticipation stage of moving for a spouse's job is going alright, and it's ok if you aren't doing alright.  It's a weird time, and you'll have to find your way of dealing. Just know there's people that understand, and I'm one you can talk to if you need to vent.  Click on the "Contact Me" button, and dish away.

Bathroom selfie!

This is real, and it will change.

NATIONAL CRAFT MONTH

Us dorky makers have a month! A whole month! I got this hot tip from Heidi over at Hands Occupied.  How will we celebrate? I know I fell off the 28-days-of-blogging bandwagon (though to be fair, I did post 28 times) but I think maybe I will put up a picture of something I'm working on every day, and if I'm not working on something, just a picture of something I've made.  I will try to post some pictures of my new dress (and really crappy hand-made slip) after class tonight.

Craft projects for March:

2 more Louisa knock-offs
a giant banana
Grocery store murder scene diorama*
a red slip (gotta find a pattern)
new canvas purse
something green for my hair to accentuate the carrot-y color (new)
frame for Gabby Schultz comic print

Here's a picture of Ace Frehley of the Flowers while you wait:

So, the other focus of this blog, er, my travails with my spouse, are LOOKING UP!  Ever since the weird upset of him re-thinking academia, he has been glowing, and I'm catching it too.  He's sending me job listings that sound exciting and Google maps of the area, asking me where I want to go.  I know the economy might still be shitty, but it looks like there are lots of jobs in industry he can apply for, and enjoy working at.  In freaking awesome places.

But it only just occurred to me today, when he asked if I would like to live in Austin, TX, that wherever we move may be the place we die.  I realize how morbid it sounds coming out, but you've gotta understand that I spent my childhood moving around.  Not as much as an army kid, but enough that I don't know what to call my hometown and I haven't known any current friends more than 15 years.  My accent isn't even placeable.  For the past 3+ years I've planned on moving around a bit before settling down, so the sudden idea that we'll move somewhere and that's where we'll stay is really, really weird.

How do I know if I want to spend the rest of my life in Austin? Or Portland? Or Providence? I've only been to a few cities, and only for a week or less.  How will I know?  Luckily most of the decision hinges on where the best job is.  Where we move has never been a point of contention-- it was just the idea of moving.  Though that where should have some good job opportunities for me.

Other than working in libraries, what can I do? That pays? I am going to take some assessments on the Arkansas jobs site and see if it points me in any directions.  J says I could possibly do some low-level HR, but NOOOOOOOOOOO.  Unless I was an intern for Alison Green and Ask a Manager (her advice greatly helped me get my current job, and J is addicted too).  All my experience is in a library, or supervising people on projects.  Though I wish it was marketable, I don't know where my crafting will get me. One artsy friend has been whispering in my ear about design school.  Someone tell me what a bad idea that is.

*I really wish my phone was workable enough to post the pictures of the tiny, bloody handprints I have drawn on my fingers as stamps.

I'm now a hacker. All your crumpetroom are belong to ME.

I accidentally hacked into a stranger's gmail account yesterday.  Repeatedly.  But I had no idea I was doing it.

Years ago, I had an address that was just for event planning, and was set to re-direct to my commonly-used address.  I thought I would use that address for my new twitter account, but twitter said it was already used.  We'll say the address was crumpetroom@gmail.com (if this is a real address, please forgive me).  "Hrm... why am I using crumpetroom@gmail.com on twitter? I'm not even on twitter," I thought, and decided maybe I should check in and see what was happening.  Password denied! I don't know what harebrained password I was using two years ago, but nothing was working, so I tried my security question:

Does poop smell bad?

...yes?  Me and J and our old roommate were kidders, and there was no dearth of poot jokes in our home, but "Does poop smell bad?"  That's just not even smart.  I typed YES, which wasn't right, then tried NO.  Success!  I guess I was banking on someone unable to ever type a lie of that magnitude.  Or maybe I was just really confident at that time?  Who uses a yes or no answer for a security question? When you get two guesses?  This guy?

So I am in my old account, and there are no emails. No labels that I've made. People in the gchat list THAT I DON'T KNOW.  I went to the account settings and saw that it was re-directing to another email, so I emailed that person and told them I had filed a complaint with Gmail and he/she would be summarily booted.  Ha!

Soon after I receive an email:

I signed up for this gmail account years ago.  i'm not sure how you obtained access to it, but if you notice, the user name is K** ****, which is my other gmail account.

Oh, really huh? You think you can just squat in crumpetroom@gmail.com and make it yours? I've had that account for years... I... my.... my account was thecrumpetroom@gmail.com, wasn't it?

Yeah, I tried that, and got in immediately.  What I had done was hack into an innocent woman's email account and send her a menacing message, all because I couldn't remember that I'd put "the" at the beginning of the username.  Damage control!

OH MY GOD
I am so sorry.  I just figured this out. I was just a few letters off on the user name, which I haven't used in years.  Please forgive me.  But you really should beef up your security question to something that isn't yes or no.  I am not a hacker, but I was able to get in really easily.

 She was really nice about it, and responded with lots of Eastern emoticons (O.o) and said she figured I wasn't a hack from all my "nice little tweets".  I would have looked myself up, too, if some crazy person had commandeered my account.  Really, she was very, very kind about it, when she did not have to be.  Thank you, true owner of crumpetroom@gmail.com.  Oh, internet.

So, make sure your security password is not "Does poop smell bad?" and also keep up with what accounts you actually own.  And if you want to have more than one twitter account on one email, just put a period in there somewhere (cru.mpetroom = crumpetroom).  Twitter ain't that smart.

When I do something stupid, from now on it will be referred to as "going to the crumpet room".

Progress! Hope! Will the Traveling Spouse travel soon?

J had a meeting with a prof that knows a thing or two about professional development (this kind of person does not exist in his own department!). The prof laid some truth down on him: that it's perfectly sane to look at industry/government jobs; get your dissertation done, like yesterday; send out 100 applications, no joke. It's kind of daunting, all this work outside of finishing his dissertation AND defending/teaching/advisor-wrangling, but I haven't seen him look so optimistic in a long time. I will be seeing less and less of him for these next few months, but I am so happy for him (and us).

And then there's the iceberg that I've been turning my head away from: how long will it take to find a job? The economy is getting better, but I'm not going to kid myself. I could be working my current job for another year while he tries to find something. I am so tired of people asking me when we're moving, or having to turn down an opportunity because "we're leaving soon". I need to stop living life like I'm about to move, but that gets harder as time goes by. I try not to think about the things I've passed on because of "leaving".

Maybe I should go crazy and start looking for another job? No, that's madness. I'd rather tough it out here (I'm obviously good at that- toughing it out) than mess with another company by getting trained and then leaving. The least I can do is not put anyone out.

Or is that kind of attitude why I feel so resentful?

Secret Confessions now on Twitter

Hands Occupied suggested I get a twitter account, so here I am.  I'm really terrible at design, so please don't vomit when you see my profile page.  I am not quite sure what to post there other than when I have a new post up, or articles concerning the traveling spouse, but I promise you won't be inundated with a live-feed of my feelings.  Also: Wife in a Suitcase? That does not help my negative feelings about all this. At least she isn't in several suitcases.

Thorn in my side

When I decided to start this blog, I first did a lot of googling to see if any existed.  Yay! But no. Most of them either have not been updated in years or are about the trailing/travling spouse subject only in title.  I just spent an hour combing through Observations of a Trailing Spouse to find only a handful  of posts that had anything to do with trailing.  Hrmph. How do I make my blog come closer to the top?

Maybe I'll post an all-memes-in-one image:

from huffingtonpost.com

Come to me, my pretties!