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| Thank you, PhD comics. Spending too much time reading while my boss is gone gave me time to take a wrong turn into Sad-town. I started to write about how I didn't see the harried, never-at-home academic in my own spouse: I often saw procrastination and time wasted on the internet that could have gone towards one of the joyful things they we dont' do anymore so he can "focus". I'm glad it was lunch, because I had to off-load a few tears. Some old frustrations came up in that, and one new one I'd say to him if it didn't sound so mean: when you waste your time, you're wasting my time. I'm going to try to let this comic make me feel better. |
Thursday, July 22, 2010
This in place of the teary rant I was writing earlier.
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I like the comic. I had a BF who did this -- canceled activities that we talked about doing in order to "write that last chapter," only to come home to find that he hadn't written a word all weekend.
ReplyDeleteJust remember: just because *he* doesn't do those fun things doesn't mean that *you* can't. And who knows? Maybe if he sees you having fun, he'll be motivated to finish up so he can join you.
r.b. - just found your blog via notorious ph.d. (thanks for sharing!) ... as a lady with a background in man-centric science (think natural, physical) at big universities - let me tell you you're v. much not alone in grappling with gender issues, roles, power, who wins, etc etc etc.
ReplyDeletei've seen this 'trailing' in both prof-pairs and folks who don't share the same academic careers. i think it's often an awkward thing to talk about openly; this may be why you've had some issue finding blogs that speak to your stuff.
some ideas - be honest in spots w your partner re what you're feeling. talk to other lady, and non-lady, and paired and non-paired, academics and non-academics @ your university. sit down with a big piece of paper and try to brainstorm what you'd do if the world were your (resource limitations be damned) oyster.
and then take a week's vacation and come kick around portland, a land of bikes and art and relatively-affordable things and good food/beer/coffee/younameit- if you've never been. he can have focused time while you're gone (check-ins on his progress= allowed) and you can havet the friggin vacation you deserve.