Is it ok that I am just trying to go with the flow and see what awaits us? There is nothing I can do to get J a job, other than not make him go insane. All he seems to need is affection and the occasional errand.. so can I stop being neurotic now? I promise to take it back up once he has an offer.
This feels good.
Showing posts with label roles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label roles. Show all posts
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
I read books!
I've gone to the gym three times this week, and since I overdid it on squats (trying to impress a new friend, silly I know) so I think I'll take today off. I was having a really hard time at the beginning of the week letting the sads get to me, but I've kept myself too busy since then to get down. It also helps when I am reading a book-- make that TWO books that have me taking longer 15-minute breaks than I should: Jane Eyre and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
I started reading Jane Eyre when I was 15 or 16, but got distracted by other things. Then in my senior year of college, I was in a Women in Modernism class (woefully unprepared) where we read Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea. Not only was I completely adrift in modernist and feminist theory, it was a novel from the perspective of Rochester's first wife in Jane Eyre. Since I had never read the first book, I was not exactly sure how to grasp the second. So, I am reading that first classic and going back and reading Wide Sargasso Sea. I'm surprised how much I like it, but if you'd ever seen me watching a Jane Austen film adaptation, you can imagine I'm slack jawed with anticipation or talking out loud to the characters. I started reading it again with the awareness of how mental illness and race is treated in it, and I feel bad about how much I am enjoying it (not the racism or ablism). From a feminist perspective, Jane is in turn very independent and knows who she is, but her attachment to Rochester is kind of gross if you step back and look at it. But, as patronizing as he speaks to her, when he called her his "little mustard seed", it makes my heart wiggle. Humans are strange things.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was a really great movie, and is an even better book. I am so happy it's a trilogy. I will admit I was a snob at first, avoiding it because it sounded like a trendy Young Adult novel about one more mysterious beautiful lady who is magic, ignoring her as a person and casting her as a mystery*. Not so! Lisbeth Salander, the books' female protagonist, is neck and neck with Ellen Ripley right now. I am glad she exists. She is smart, independent, and flawed. Bad shit has happened to her. She's reacted in ways that I do not agree with but understand. The books are about murder, dysfunctional families, ethics, journalism, mysteries, technology and a little romance. I cannot recommend them enough. I'm excited about a weekend with no plans and this and Jane Eyre in my hands.
Once I get up the front steps of my house (with my legs killing me from those damned squats) I will post myself on the couch and not get up until Monday morning.
*The original title in Swedish is Män som hatar kvinnor, which translates to "Men who hate women". It's interesting to see how things get changed for an American audience. I think that would have perked my ears.
I started reading Jane Eyre when I was 15 or 16, but got distracted by other things. Then in my senior year of college, I was in a Women in Modernism class (woefully unprepared) where we read Jean Rhys's Wide Sargasso Sea. Not only was I completely adrift in modernist and feminist theory, it was a novel from the perspective of Rochester's first wife in Jane Eyre. Since I had never read the first book, I was not exactly sure how to grasp the second. So, I am reading that first classic and going back and reading Wide Sargasso Sea. I'm surprised how much I like it, but if you'd ever seen me watching a Jane Austen film adaptation, you can imagine I'm slack jawed with anticipation or talking out loud to the characters. I started reading it again with the awareness of how mental illness and race is treated in it, and I feel bad about how much I am enjoying it (not the racism or ablism). From a feminist perspective, Jane is in turn very independent and knows who she is, but her attachment to Rochester is kind of gross if you step back and look at it. But, as patronizing as he speaks to her, when he called her his "little mustard seed", it makes my heart wiggle. Humans are strange things.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was a really great movie, and is an even better book. I am so happy it's a trilogy. I will admit I was a snob at first, avoiding it because it sounded like a trendy Young Adult novel about one more mysterious beautiful lady who is magic, ignoring her as a person and casting her as a mystery*. Not so! Lisbeth Salander, the books' female protagonist, is neck and neck with Ellen Ripley right now. I am glad she exists. She is smart, independent, and flawed. Bad shit has happened to her. She's reacted in ways that I do not agree with but understand. The books are about murder, dysfunctional families, ethics, journalism, mysteries, technology and a little romance. I cannot recommend them enough. I'm excited about a weekend with no plans and this and Jane Eyre in my hands.
Once I get up the front steps of my house (with my legs killing me from those damned squats) I will post myself on the couch and not get up until Monday morning.
*The original title in Swedish is Män som hatar kvinnor, which translates to "Men who hate women". It's interesting to see how things get changed for an American audience. I think that would have perked my ears.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I need voices of other trailing spouses!
Most of the blogs I've found that focus on trailing (I wish there was a different term) are now defunct. The most commentary I've found was in the comments on the Broadsheet article. It was good to see that men were commenting on being the TS. I was really surprised this topic didn't already have 20 successful blogs.
One of the things that stick in my craw is that it seems like I'm forgoing my own identity to follow my spouse. Here's where my gender-neutrality is going to bust. I'm a lady. A lady who said she'd never change her name or be under anyone's thumb. And though I love my spouse and am genuinely excited about the prospect of a new place, I feel like I've slowly slid into a traditional role and can't get out. I am angry at myself for not having a career that would give me some power in this. I know that trying to both get jobs with advanced degrees would make this harder, but I am mad at myself for being so easy and directionless and way too good at keeping a house.
I was fucking raised to clean and cook and manage a home. I can't not do it. I can't not clean up a mess or finish a project. I can't just wait until 8pm and glance in the fridge and throw something together. I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping, much of the cooking, much of the cleanup. Dishes are pretty equal between us, but I'm the one mopping up the counters and making sure nothing is growing in the fridge. All the little details that really do matter, but that he never sees. It probably doesn't help that my mom also passed down some control issues to me. Don't get me started on towel-folding. I'm making major progress in that area, actually.
I have an image of my spouse in a wood-paneled room with academics, sniffing brandy and all that "man talk" jazz. And then I see me in the living room or kitchen talking to all the wives. Why do I always assume that the academics are men? My spouse's field is very man-heavy. Which could still mean some men in the kitchen with me. I do not dislike women! I just dislike the idea of being known as "the wife of an academic" and him being known as "an academic". I don't want that life. I want to be me.
In a new place, my social contacts will, at first, be primarily people I meet through him. I am sure these will be nice people. But I've been the new kid so many times before, with my parents' friends introducing me to their kids. Who will I be introduced to now?
I'll just need to introduce myself.
One of the things that stick in my craw is that it seems like I'm forgoing my own identity to follow my spouse. Here's where my gender-neutrality is going to bust. I'm a lady. A lady who said she'd never change her name or be under anyone's thumb. And though I love my spouse and am genuinely excited about the prospect of a new place, I feel like I've slowly slid into a traditional role and can't get out. I am angry at myself for not having a career that would give me some power in this. I know that trying to both get jobs with advanced degrees would make this harder, but I am mad at myself for being so easy and directionless and way too good at keeping a house.
I was fucking raised to clean and cook and manage a home. I can't not do it. I can't not clean up a mess or finish a project. I can't just wait until 8pm and glance in the fridge and throw something together. I do all the meal planning and grocery shopping, much of the cooking, much of the cleanup. Dishes are pretty equal between us, but I'm the one mopping up the counters and making sure nothing is growing in the fridge. All the little details that really do matter, but that he never sees. It probably doesn't help that my mom also passed down some control issues to me. Don't get me started on towel-folding. I'm making major progress in that area, actually.
I have an image of my spouse in a wood-paneled room with academics, sniffing brandy and all that "man talk" jazz. And then I see me in the living room or kitchen talking to all the wives. Why do I always assume that the academics are men? My spouse's field is very man-heavy. Which could still mean some men in the kitchen with me. I do not dislike women! I just dislike the idea of being known as "the wife of an academic" and him being known as "an academic". I don't want that life. I want to be me.
In a new place, my social contacts will, at first, be primarily people I meet through him. I am sure these will be nice people. But I've been the new kid so many times before, with my parents' friends introducing me to their kids. Who will I be introduced to now?
I'll just need to introduce myself.
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