Livid and inarticulate: Planned Parenthood Funding Axed in Budget Cuts

The House voted today to stop federal funding of Planned Parenthood.  The vote passed 240-185.  That means 10 Democrats voted for this?  Planned Parenthood (bless them, fund them, donate to them) gets one third of their funding from the government. And I never thought that I'd link to Fox News, but there's an article about how a proposal from Betty McCollum (D-MN) about cutting Nascar funding (WTF) was voted down, while cutting family planning funds down.  Drag racing up, women's lives down!  I'm trying to track down how representatives in Arkansas voted, but I know it's not good.  What can you do? Sign a stupid internet petition, write a real letter, call, show up in person with a sign? Right now, bills are being crafted that will make it ok for a person to kill a doctor for performing an abortion if that person is doing it to save the fetus's life [Update: it's gone now, but why did it exist in the first place???].  It is all I can do to not send emails to all representatives in AR that just say "YOU FUCKING SUCK".  I know it's not the end, but really? Birth control for horses, but not for human women.

Never let anyone say that there is no need for feminism anymore. Make them explain why.  Make them explain this. And this. And this.

"Where you go, I will go"

If I'd have been drinking while reading this e-book I just downloaded, my keyboard would be fried.  I turned up Veenstrateam.com in a search for "trailing spouse" on twitter, and found an e-book called We're moving where? ...Surviving Life as a Trailing Spouse.   From the cover, I am guessing this book may be a little outdated:

They are moving to a place where they cannot buy edible eyewear! Or turtlenecks!  It is also (and not to offend religious people, it was surprising) slanted towards "Godly career women" of the Christian faith.  I had no idea, I thought it was just a Kalamazoo real estate website!

Godly business women know that if their husbands’ job transfers are in God’s will, then they will follow Ruth’s example and say, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay” (Ruth 1:16). Yet faith never comes without risk, and leaving a successful career behind to become a “trailing spouse” is always a step of faith.

I had to sign up for a download and get to it through my email, so hopefully I don't have a bunch of Kalamazoo spam.  But you know what?  Maybe I'll look through it and see if there are any helpful tidbits I can share.  Love that jacket, Ruth.

Address change?

I'm thinking about changing my blog url to travelingspouseconfessions.blogspot.com, but I don't know if that'll mess things up. Anyone else have experience changing their blogger address? What precautions should I take?

Frustration: Somewhat satisfied!

Photo by Joeywan on Flickr

I had that drink, and I re-directed my ire.  I talked to a friend, who had read my blog (support is really all I'm going for) and she bought me a beer, heard me out on my frustration and sent me home in a much better frame of mind. AND she is web-savvy and told me how to better optimize the blog so people can find it.  I felt kind of weird trying to wiggle my way closer to the top of Google searches, but when I needed support from other trailing spouse blogs, most of what I found were dead sites.  Maybe there are more out there, just not visible?

I probably wouldn't have any readers if The Notorious PhD, Girl Scholar hadn't posted my question about trailing spouse blogs on her own site.  I had sent an email, and she just posted the whole thing!  I felt absolutely loved that day, and it really inspired me to keep going when not many people could pinpoint resources.  Since then, I've started reading a lot of academic blogs by female scientists, since they deal with the career and focus on their work-life balance, gender issues and are generally safe places to comment.

Here's my list of people who have been helping me get through my days, whether they know it or not:

The Notorious PhD, Girl Scholar
Canadian GirlPostdoc in America
Female Science Professor
The Two-Body Problem
A Natural Scientist
Academic Jungle

Through these women I've learned more about what my husband is going through/will go through, how ladies have to navigate the world differently, and what all these acronyms stand for.

The wine glass pictured not only describes my after-work activity, but that my husband and I actually sat down at a table and had dinner last night.  I did not touch my computer after I got off work. We spent time reading/him in his office (IN HIS OFFICE!) working. Then he made me dinner, and we hung out. The night seemed so much longer. No TV, no internet.  We had a talk about what's going on.  I'll get to more of that later. It was good.

I've fallen off the wagon on some of my new hobbies and pursuits. The GRE did not happen, but only because I didn't see the point of taking a test to go to grad school when I was more interested in a new undergrad major.  The sewing had to take a backseat to the yard sale and Halloween (how I wish I could post pictures of our costumes!) but I was plateauing a little anyhow.  I need to do some independent practice before I start throwing out $20 each week.  We came into some free musical instruments, which means we lost a room to that pursuit.  Running/yoga has also been sitting in the backseat (it's really roomy back there).  Now that the house is empty/clean again, I don't know what I'll do.  Registration for Spring classes starts soon, so maybe I'll do something new.  Or just sit around in my empty/clean house and read.  Maybe do some work today?

A New Hope!

I'm back! No, I did not succumb to despair, but rather threw myself into activities that properly distract and enthuse me.  That plan is working out splendidly.

As for the job front, there was a sad lull after I found out the latest job prospect was being scrapped.  My spouse tried pretty hard to work a whole lot and spend whatever time he had with me being the sweetest ever.  A few days ago, he found a rumor about another job in NewTownX, one that he knows through some high academic muckamucks.  So, he actually emailed the professor in charge and asked about something. Took initiative!  Tested the waters! This gives me hope.   And he seems excited about the research and is just waiting to see if the position will solidify (they're currently waiting on funding, but pretty sure).  I know I shouldn't get excited, that there are other lovely, brilliant people (with lovely brilliant spouses) applying for the same thing.  I just like having something to chew on.

In my own job front, I'm bracing myself for the start of a new semester. I work on a University campus, and employ student workers.  All summer I've spent my breaks and lunches peacefully on a bench in the shade, but now that will all be obliterated by horny, loud, excited and idealistic students, lured to join various activities and groups by horrible music (also horribly un-diverse) and the grilled meats I can't eat.  No one ever remembers the vegetarians during free food week.  Except the pizza places. Thanks free pizza people.

This is the time of year where I really shine, that's really hard, and really tires me out.  All I am doing is training, training, training.  I can focus on that and power ahead, and when I don't have anything immediate to do, I don't feel guilty about seriously lazing.  I lose my voice during these weeks from so much talking.  I've got a handful of completely new people to turn into fantastic representatives of my organization.  I usually succeed at this, but I don't want to rest on my laurels.

Shout out to Alison Green of the Ask a Manager blog.  She's given me some great advice for what I'm doing now, and also about how I'm going to go about in my next job.  Reading this blog helps me remember that my job can actually be something that makes me feel good.  This may sound dorky, but I probably recommend this blog more than any other.  That may also be because I'm of the age where my peers are almost always thinking about job stuff.

So, with an end looming near, you are probably thinking that I am just winging it.  You are only sort of wrong.  It's hard for me to put in 100% for so many reasons.  But for all the things I hate about my job I love that I do what I do well, people recognize that, and we're well-known for a great training infrastructure.  I'd like to keep that reputation until far after I'm gone.

We had dinner with another couple a few days ago, who are sort of similar to our situtation.  The husband is a grad student in a close field to my own husband's, and the wife works closely with the University but not in academia.  Unlike me, she got a degree in something useful, but is looking to get into something new.  It ocurred to me last night that maybe she would be a good person to talk to about all this, so I'll update after I get in touch with her again.  This seems like a great excuse for a happy hour drink.

So, things are good.  And I don't mean for now.

Linkage!

I tried out the venues suggested on Notorious PhD, and I've listed them in my resources section:

Love and Academia on Livejournal: not updated very often, and mostly from the academic's side, but could be helpful.

PhD Comics Forum: There's a lot here. The Vortex seems to be the specific area for my concerns, but I'm still digging through it.  It's very upbeat!

Don't be afraid to ask questions

Fear of asking questions/fear of knowing the answer is probably my biggest fault, but it's a victimless crime.  If you don't ask, no one can say no-- this cowardly philosophy has been at the center of some of the worst stories in my life.  I get upset sometimes when I see how many years I've put my life on hold for my spouse, like it was some great secret that a PhD is a drawn-out process.  I never would just straight-out ask, "How many years do you think this will take?" "Have you actually applied for any jobs yet?"

Sometimes I'm afraid to ask a question because someone may have already told me the answer, but I've forgotten.

But today, after fruitless searching for blogs to reassure or guide me, I was still finding nada.  It's still all academic couples and moms.  No offense to either group, but that's not the voice I need-- at least not right now.  I started following a few blogs that are written by post-doc scientists, mostly women, to see if I could glean anything from that perspective.  For science, feminism, and ladies round-about my age who are kicking ass in real careers, and role models, this list has been great:

Academic Jungle
The Adventures of Notorious PhD, Girl Scholar
Canadian GirlPostdoc in America
Female Science Professor
Liberal Arts  Lady
The Two Body Problem

I emailed the Notorious PhD and asked a question: have you heard of anyone out there like me, and do they have a blog?  I felt a little forward doing that, but it's not like I was going to run into her at a party and be embarrassed.  Later in the day, I saw a new post from that blog show up in my RSS, and it was my letter!

Notorious herself didn't have any ideas, but she posed the question for her readers, and there was a good response.  People wanted to know where my blog was!  I got my question answered, and I won't lie and say I wasn't excited that someone besides me could be reading my posts.

I haven't had a chance yet to look through the suggestions, but I'll post about them once I do.  This was a good day.  One said that maybe I couldn't find the right stuff because I wasn't technically a trailing spouse yet.  (An issue of not having the right vocabulary-- or maybe it doesn't exist?)

p.s. A well-known librarian, who I work with, let me know he would give me his full support if I wanted to go to library school, and he would write me a rec letter.  That made me feel genuinely good, and I tried to take the comment without effacing myself.  I just wish that people believing in me equalled me believing in myself.  I'm getting there.

Sad little links

Most of the blogs and articles written about my situation are about two-career spouses or one-income households.  We're neither!  But every thing I find that might shed light into this life change, I'll post here.  I'll also keep these articles linked in the sidebar.

Moving Cross-Country for Spouse's Job - Any Regrets?

How to find a job in Switzerland - Advice from a trailing spouse (we aren't going to Switzerland, but anything helps)

Supporting a Spouse or Partner who has moved for your career

And this article, "Should you move for love?" is in most ways ridiculous, but brings up something that makes me feel good:

How will you like your new location?- Whether married or single, this is a big question that many women don’t spend enough time considering. They learn all about their man’s new job, they learn about schools for the kids, but they never take a look at how they will like their new location. This is a big reasons why so many women are ready to pack their bags a year or two after a move. Whether it is landing your dream job, taking classes or joining a social group, you need to have a plan for how you will adjust once the moving dust has settled. If the area that you are considering does not seem to offer any of the things that will make you happy, then you either need to look harder or reconsider moving before you agree to go.

What I've been trying to do with my journaling, classes and new friends is ground myself, in a place where I'm already quite grounded. But as these things are new*, I'm preparing myself to do it again, for real**, in a new and unexplored place.

*I used to journal like crazy, but stopped when I met my to-be husband and my life settled down from the crazy paliatives of my early 20s. Made for interesting writing, though.

**I don't mean my new friends aren't made in earnest, but when I move, I can't just be lazy and rely on who I already know. I won't know anyone.  I made these friends because I genuinely enjoy their company and am glad I know them.  I may have to hang with people who I don't really line up with, until I can make some connections.