Fear of asking questions/fear of knowing the answer is probably my biggest fault, but it's a victimless crime. If you don't ask, no one can say no-- this cowardly philosophy has been at the center of some of the worst stories in my life. I get upset sometimes when I see how many years I've put my life on hold for my spouse, like it was some great secret that a PhD is a drawn-out process. I never would just straight-out ask, "How many years do you think this will take?" "Have you actually applied for any jobs yet?"
Sometimes I'm afraid to ask a question because someone may have already told me the answer, but I've forgotten.
But today, after fruitless searching for blogs to reassure or guide me, I was still finding nada. It's still all academic couples and moms. No offense to either group, but that's not the voice I need-- at least not right now. I started following a few blogs that are written by post-doc scientists, mostly women, to see if I could glean anything from that perspective. For science, feminism, and ladies round-about my age who are kicking ass in real careers, and role models, this list has been great:
The Adventures of Notorious PhD, Girl Scholar
Canadian GirlPostdoc in America
Female Science Professor
Liberal Arts Lady
The Two Body Problem
I emailed the Notorious PhD and asked a question: have you heard of anyone out there like me, and do they have a blog? I felt a little forward doing that, but it's not like I was going to run into her at a party and be embarrassed. Later in the day, I saw a new post from that blog show up in my RSS, and it was my letter!
Notorious herself didn't have any ideas, but she posed the question for her readers, and there was a good response. People wanted to know where my blog was! I got my question answered, and I won't lie and say I wasn't excited that someone besides me could be reading my posts.
I haven't had a chance yet to look through the suggestions, but I'll post about them once I do. This was a good day. One said that maybe I couldn't find the right stuff because I wasn't technically a trailing spouse yet. (An issue of not having the right vocabulary-- or maybe it doesn't exist?)
p.s. A well-known librarian, who I work with, let me know he would give me his full support if I wanted to go to library school, and he would write me a rec letter. That made me feel genuinely good, and I tried to take the comment without effacing myself. I just wish that people believing in me equalled me believing in myself. I'm getting there.