Today is a university holiday, so I have it off. I've spent today buying replacement lightbulbs and paying bills, sitting at the DMV trying to smile in order to make myself feel happier. But it is just not working. I keep looking at this dreary day and hoping that's not what's making me feel so low. If it is, Seattle may not be so great for me. I never noticed how often the sky was just pure, cloudless blue until I started reading about the weather in the Pacific Northwest. I understand why they have vampires.
J has a short phone interview today with a Google representative. It is not the big scary one, but it's his first phone interview for a job. I have promised to be out of the house. I am feeling his nervousness. Afterwards I am taking him out for a meal. I have yet to eat more than a small bowl of oatmeal today.
When I am sad or confused, I can't eat. I forget how to make food or just get really bogged down in making decisions. I am currently staring at some frozen samosas that I do not want to unfreeze or eat. A friend tells me I am disassociating from my current situation because it is too much. I don't want to believe that, because this is just a taste of all the change and stress we'll go through. All this time hoping and complaining about moving on, and I freak out the second we start to go forward. I've cancelled plans with friends twice and backed out of a creative project just in the past day. I'll admit I felt a lot better afterwards, but I really hate to disappoint people.
The highlight of my day will be starting a project for a commissioned Halloween hat. My patron (who purchased my cherry hat previously and wants to collect more of my work ;)) pretty much let me decide what it would be, and I chose a barrel cactus. I took a stack of newspapers from the DMV and will start making the form today.
Now, I really should eat before I decide to take a nap and waste the day.