J has a short phone interview today with a Google representative. It is not the big scary one, but it's his first phone interview for a job. I have promised to be out of the house. I am feeling his nervousness. Afterwards I am taking him out for a meal. I have yet to eat more than a small bowl of oatmeal today.
When I am sad or confused, I can't eat. I forget how to make food or just get really bogged down in making decisions. I am currently staring at some frozen samosas that I do not want to unfreeze or eat. A friend tells me I am disassociating from my current situation because it is too much. I don't want to believe that, because this is just a taste of all the change and stress we'll go through. All this time hoping and complaining about moving on, and I freak out the second we start to go forward. I've cancelled plans with friends twice and backed out of a creative project just in the past day. I'll admit I felt a lot better afterwards, but I really hate to disappoint people.
The highlight of my day will be starting a project for a commissioned Halloween hat. My patron (who purchased my cherry hat previously and wants to collect more of my work ;)) pretty much let me decide what it would be, and I chose a barrel cactus. I took a stack of newspapers from the DMV and will start making the form today.
Now, I really should eat before I decide to take a nap and waste the day.
You are feeling exactly how Heidi and I felt while we were waiting to hear about my job. I couldn't get a damn thing done. All I did was play video games.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got offered the job, everything changed. We had a Thing to look forward to. We could plan. We could look at neighborhoods. It was great. Now, I'm just antsy to move. But I can deal with that. It's like being a kid waiting for Christmas. You can't wait, but that's the fun of it.
I felt this way right before I decided to go to grad school (actually, in between applying and deciding to jump in for reals). Sometimes you just have to do what's best for you and feel better by not pushing yourself too hard. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteI am starting to become genuinely concerned about how I'll handle Seattle weather. I'm under some stress here in Arkansas where the spring has turned cold and rainy, and I just want to die.
ReplyDelete