Snow Day #2

6 inches of snow? NO ONE driving on our road.

Too many projects going on, nothing getting done.

I went with friends to work out on Monday afternoon, and received a call that the whole university would be closed on Tuesday.  Magic.  Then I received a call on Tuesday for the Wednesday closing. More magic.  I have spent these two snow days (not ice days, fortunately) working on a puzzle and doing some light housework.

First puzzle since I was a kid. Strangely satisfying.

I told myself I'd spend these days (if they happened) doing really productive things, like starting on the next sewing project (large floor pillow).  Nope.  The snow is really nice, power isn't going out from the very light ice and we've got enough good food to keep us happy.  It's good getting to spend this much time with J.  Some free time is good for him.  So far, he's made a batch of kombucha, biscuits and yogurt.  And not once talked about work.  He seems relaxed, and even started working on his food blog!

On Monday I got an email from Heidi at Hands Occupied asking if I might write some guest posts while she moves with her (future) husband in the summer. I am thrilled.  We've got some things in common in the "trailing spouse" department, so I'm really glad to be her sounding board, and vice versa, about identity/marriage/moving issues.  However, she'll be very likely taking that step before me.

Heidi's fiance is an excellent craft helper with their ribbon wall.

[UPDATE: we are closed for Thursday, too. As an adult, I don't think I can ever hope for such luck again.]

Photo by Chris Clanton

Snow day chaser

Here's a chaser for that last post if you were already having a bad day. : (  A room full of my favorite things.

John Boehner, "Rape-rape", and what we can do about it

*Trigger warning*

Top-priority in this country, in John Boehner's POV, is changing the definition of rape.  Not for the better, mind you, but to make sure that less women are covered for government-funded abortions that result from sexual assault.  You probably read about "rape-rape" during the latest surge of the Polanski debate, but now our politicians are seriously differentiating a violent assault from date rape, statutory and coercion.   The way it's been, only rape and incest are covered by the government for abortion funding. So to further whittle that down, the Repubs want to define what "kind" of rape they're willing to include in this exemption.  Drugged? No. Unconscious and woke up with someone inside you that you did not consent to?  Young teen molested by your stepdad? No. No.

Rape is rape. There is not "rape-ier" rape. There is no tiered system.  There is abuse and hopefully there is help, but many people in government want to take away the second option.

Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown has started another twitter campaign, and if you smirk at that kind of idea, that's fine, but it works to get the word out (@JohnBoehner, #DearJohn).  Write to your representatives about this, tweet about it, write about it, and don't let it go down silently.  It isn't hard-- fill out a form, tell them what you think about what's happening.  A redefinition of rape is terrible in terms of abortion coverage, but it may have far-reaching legal implications that will obviously not help survivors and victims.

Think about how fucking awful any sexual assault is, then think about being told you weren't raped enough to get government assistance. And you can't afford an abortion on your own.  Or raise a child. This makes me so ashamed of our country right now.

Awesome? Shame? Texas?

I'm sure everybody has seen this by now, the United States of Shame:

I was pretty happy with "Worst Credit Score", as Arkansas is usually the butt of any joke including goats, Billy Bob Thornton or cousin-marrying.  Most Arkansans fall back on Mississippi to make fun of, but unfortunately that's where I was born.  You learn to be tough at the bottom of the barrel.  Ohio is looking even better for us now, since they are worst at "nerds".  How is that bad?  I think it bodes well with J getting a job there.  And Colorado can't be too bad since I don't do cocaine. I have beat the system!

(Also: Delaware is "worst at" abortion? That is a discussion all in itself.)

And the rejoinder, The United States of Awesome:

In J's words, "BROMINE PRODUCTION?"  I agree-- we do lots of stuff ok: state parks, classy parking meters, Cavender's spice, jelly pie(?), first female US Senator, gays and bigots living in peace together, outhouse races, The Gossip, Maya Angelou and the freaking Clintons.

Beth Ditto and Secretary Hillary Frigging Rodham Awesome Clinton

Bromine, since as an Arkansan resident for 17 years I still had to look it up, is a halogen element used in pesticides, flame retardants and Mountain Dew.  Its latin root bromos means "the stench of he-goats".  Awesome.

What does this have to do with Texas, capital of wind power and low high school graduation rates?  This is the next place J is looking at for a postdoc.  I think I said, "TEXAS? TEXAS?" in an excited/anxious high-pitched voice a few times before he calmly answered yes.  Seriously, I have never heard Texas come out of his mouth.  So, it's now France and Texas, though I still think we shouldn't lose hope in Ohio or Colorado until there's an actual rejection letter. 

 I'm realizing just how little I know about what's going on in my spouse's head, how many places we might go that I can't even imagine.  Makes my little searches for library jobs seem futile. Texas. Texas. Seriously, Texas. I know I'm from Arkansas, but Texas seems so weird.   And even stranger, I find I am drawn to this idea.  Things to think about.

J. finds an outlet!

Cardamom-apple pancakes with rosewater syrup

Last month, J. and our good neighbor Tuna (also a grad student) decided to have food and movie nights with friends, where they competed with their culinary skills on a specific theme or food.   They want to do a blog, too, where they post pictures of the food and review the movies.  Last week (the second event) was a bread contest, and we watched The Holy Mountain (1973).  The bread (a simple whole wheat boule from J. and a rococo pesto loaf from Tuna) was absolutely delicious.  And the movie didn't make anyone run screaming from the room.  Though it's really just a snacks sort of event, everyone who has come has brought a dish, so it turns into a stone soup/Jesus and the loaves kind of thing.  So nice!

Pesto bread in foreground, J's boule to the left, gulab at the top, and a green bean dish by a Turkish friend that tastes very much like you'd get it in the South!

Other than futzing with his bike, this is J's only organized activity.  And as much as I complain about having to forcibly eject him from the house to go work sometimes, he really needs something that has nothing to do with work.  Both he and Tuna are haggard grad students, so they have that bond as well as friendship.  Though they call it a competition, there's nothing like that going on.  No stress, no winners, no rules.  Just food and good times.

Gulab jamun- fried dough in syrup, from India

I made a batch of galub jamun from a packet, and made the syrup myself.  The dough was not the tastiest part about the dish, but I think the syrup turned out well.  So well, we used the leftovers the next day to pour on our pancakes (highly recommended recipe).

On a whim Monday, I checked the academic and public libraries for the towns J's applied in, and actually found some openings.  They weren't ideal, but I am confident that I can eventually turn a part time job into full-time once I prove myself. Economy be damned!*  To show I was being super positive (I'm still making up for my attitude from the past) I sent J an email with the links.  His response was that he wasn't feeling very positive about his current applications because no one was responding to his last email.  It's the beginning of the semester, so I think it's just people being busy.  I hated to hear him sounding sad, and I really didn't mean to exacerbate that with my email.  He's one of the most responsible, level-headed people I know, so sometimes it's hard to remember that he's feeling uncertain and scared, too.

*Please don't ruin my delusions.

Spotlight on Awesome: First Stitch on Etsy

I've written about how easy it is to avoid making friends when you know you're going to move, but jumping back in has so many more rewards than downsides.  The women I've met in the past six months have been integral to staying sane, and I like to think I've helped them, also.  Maybe it's because we're older, but there is such a show of emotion and affection between us, it is almost my reaction to be cynical and not take it as sincere.  I have friends that want hugs and say "I love you!"?  I realized how jaded I must be if I questioned the sincerity of truly sweet communication.  Hugs all around!

One lady, specifically, who has helped me in my crazy life, is my friend Anca.  She's got a Masters in Fiber Arts, so you know I am taking advantage of her skills as much as I can.  She encourages me to make things, teaches me how to do them better, and is helping me add to my insane list of future projects.  Yesterday we took a trip to Joann Fabric and had to keep pulling each other back from the brink of Craft Addiction.  "Sculpey is 50% off! Let's get 10 of 'em!" "But we don't need it?" "But it's half off!*!!!"  We did end up using the Sculpey, and I wish I had a picture of the little mushrooms she made. Adorable!

I do have pictures from her new Etsy site, First Stitch.

The felt balls are wonderful as decorative pieces, but I use mine as a fashionable pin-cushion as shown above.  She also makes small clutch purses:

I have the honor of seeing some of these first products come out at our weekly Craft Nights (makin' therapy).  But Etsy is hard until you can get some traffic there.  I had an account for a little while (and actually sold a few little things) but it requires dedication to marketing yourself and getting some exposure.  Even though no one else seemed to be selling custom state bird egg bracelets, no one knew I made them so I didn't sell any.  I did not succeed, but I can't stand for these cute, well-made things not getting at least some pageviews.

*Sculpey and Premo are 50% until Sunday, I think. Get it done.http://www.etsy.com/listing/66061335/polka-dot-felt-ball-teal-and-yellow

Link Love: The Smart Expat

I was quoted on The Smart Expat today, in a post questioning the need for a name.  I still consider myself new to this game, so the idea of having a place to talk about my feelings and belonging to a group is still tender in my heart:

For those of us who are new to a the idea that our spouse or partner’s career is going to lead us to new places and to circumstances which involve putting our own careers, dreams and ambitions on hold, giving those common circumstances a name gives us the opportunity to know that the emotions we’re experiencing are commonly experienced by people who make the life changes we have made.  It lets us know that in circumstances where much of what we find comfortable, supportive and familiar is no longer available, we are not alone.

"Because we ARE special!", The Smart Expat 

When a problem has no name, it's hard for people to find each other and get help about it.  And this problem is not new.  

Geez, name yourself already. Are you really going to agree to "Moon Child"?

Six Months of the Traveling Spouse

I started this blog six months ago. Seventy-eight posts later, I think I've come a long way emotionally, in that I don't feel totally alone, or that I'm making up problems for myself.  I've learned that the problems (that do exist) were not necessarily going to be solved by a change in circumstances, but a change in attitude.  We are going to move.  I am going to have to quit my job and pack up my house and go somewhere where I will have no social ties other than my husband.  Wallowing in self pity and loneliness will only make things worse, so I will need to buck up and make a plan, and stick to it.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that there are aspects of this that will be utterly fun.  And that just because I am somewhere because of my husband, that's just the beginning.  That's how I arrived, physically. I will find ways to slowly erase that and stand on my own.

But! in the depressing kind of news you probably read this blog for, I found an article on relocation's effects on people by gender, and guess what! Ladies have it worse.  I know I am a social person, and find people/things to do to fill any voids in my life.  I call it resourceful.  This just means I have to start from scratch, and knowing this ahead of time will hopefully make the transition less painful.  I consider this blog practice in rallying my defenses and finding allies.  So far it is working really well.  I've tried to write other blogs, but they usually peter out from lack of topics.  This is the first site I've had that has a running theme, and even though I haven't "traveled" yet, there is always something to mull over.  It's really exciting to see that people read it, and it only takes one comment to plaster a smile on my face.  As a friend said recently, "Just wait until you actually MOVE". Yeah, readers, watch out.

Until I move, it's all pictures of giant, stuffed artichokes. My craft projects
 bring the pageviews to the yard, uh-huh.

Tag:optimism

While I was working, I was struck by the feeling that I was definitely having a good day. I should probably stop thinking about it.

Walk, Bike, Ride

Renee at Womanist Musings posted a video of Judith Butler and Sunaura Taylor taking a walk and talking about what that means when a person isn't literally "walking", and about disability and social acceptance.  This is not a subject I know very much about, but I do think about mobility often as I am walking around my neighborhood and to work.  We live near enough our workplaces to walk or ride a bike, and are lucky to have a nearby bus stop when it is not comfortable to do either.  There is an old apartment complex a few blocks away that houses mostly older people and many war veterans.  I see them in motorized wheelchairs, oftentimes riding in the road because the sidewalks are not even or there are no curb cuts.  The first time I saw it happen, I was annoyed, but now I think about how scary it must be to ride in the road (just as some cyclists are scared) but have no other option, because the sidewalks are only usable to those who can step up and down, and over obstructions.

I feel very lucky that we have so many options of getting around. In the morning I just have to pick what kind of shoes to wear that day, and that is how I decide how to get around.  When we move, I know the chances are pretty small that we'll have such a good location.  I just hope we don't have to buy a second car.  That makes me frown just typing it.

This is a reminder to think about what sidewalks are for and that many differently-abled people need to be able to use them.  I need to remember this when I pull my car into my tiny, steep driveway, so the end isn't sticking in the sidewalk. If you have a sidewalk around your house/apartment, get some hedge trimmers and make sure there isn't any vegetation that would block the way, or cause someone to step into the road.  I know as a pedestrian, it bugs the shit out of me.  If people leave their garbage cans turned over in the way, move them.  If they keep doing that, move them LOUDLY.  Yeah, I'm the person that's doing that.

Here is a  "passive aggressive note" about blocking walkways (I think it's wonderful) that the car owner didn't really understand.