I will be giving my (two week) notice at my job this Friday. I’m not leaving to take another job. I’m leaving because the Army is moving us ….. again. Unfortunately, in order to get the job, I had to fib and tell the bosses that we’d be staying in the area (and would eventually retire here) and I think that’s one of the reasons why they hired me — I said I was sticking around. Many employers will not hire military spouses if they think they are leaving soon, and the reality is that I usually have to “fib” about how long we’re staying in order to get any job.Oy! Sound familiar? This was my go-to excuse for not trying to get out of my current work situation, not wanting to start a job when I knew we might move. You know who "might" move? Anyone! I wasted years not letting myself move on, and that totally sucks. I wish I knew if this lady had a blog, because I'd read the hell out of it.
The commenters on the post chastise her for her "fibbing" and tell her she's an out-right liar. This got my hackles up immediately. She can tell the truth and hope she's not dropped for the possibility she may move, she can omit what her spouse does for a living, or she can just stop living her life completely until she drops dead and finally "commits" to a burial plot.
When I asked my HR department whether or not I should tell my boss about J's graduation, we got into a talk about the possibility of relocation if he gets a good job. I said that was definitely a possibility, but since I have no control over his job prospects, it's hardly fair to judge me for it. One of the HR crazies even suggested that I let them know about his progress as soon as he gets an interview! It's like I'd grown a third arm or something, and that third arm was looking for a new job. Candace at Army Wives Lives answered a similar question to the one above, much more articulately:
Most states do not specifically grant military spouses protection from employment discrimination. However, you may not discriminate against someone based on marital status. An employer making inquiries about your marriage for any purpose is simply inappropriate. They also cannot ask if you are planning to get pregnant and take maternity leave in the near future.Yes, I do sort of have control over where he gets a job (once he gets an offer) and we are a unit. I'm stuck to/with him for life, and I'm glad of that, but we are two different people. I do not want to be thought of in terms of him when looking for a job. It's enough to pull up roots and move somewhere for someone else, so I found it completely insulting that the commenters at Ask a Manager wouldn't even give her the concession of not offering up conjecture in an interview.
I see it as a bias similar to avoiding women because maybe someday they'll get pregnant and have to take time off. Planning for the future is a part of being a manager, but there are some assumptions that shouldn't be made, for the dignity of your employee.
So, now I need to go find army spouse blogs, because that is a corner of the internet I never even thought to look in! If anyone knows a good one, please let me know in the comments. I'm in a lather right now and will probably have to come back to this later to make it more succinct.