If anyone has been wondering why I haven't written in a week, it's because J has had two interviews with the same company in the past two weeks and things are moving. But he doesn't want me to write about that stuff as much, because it felt bad the last time he didn't get a job, and the whole internet knew about it. I understand that. Unfortunately what he's doing is pretty necessary for this blog to move along, so I've been feeling a little... clogged. This is go time, the time I really need to write about this so the community I've been trying to build can help me along.
The prospect of moving is exciting, and FUCKING HORRIFYING. Yes, I would like to move before the Fall semester starts (the busiest/worst/best part of my work year) but now I'm looking around my town saying, "Damn, I like it here", and researching towns where the jobs and thinking, "Damn, I like it here*". I do like it here.
Powerless, that's what it feels like. About to go somewhere where I don't know anyone and my only friend will always be gone and really tired when he comes home and it may be a suburb, and maybe I'll end up having kids only because there's nothing else for me there. I've burst into tears four times today, and I swear I'm trying to find something positive. I feel even more awful that I'm not jumping up and down. I am happy about the opportunity, just not so jazzed about where it is.
He's flying to California for an interview next week. If things go smoothly, we could be out of here by August.
*Here being here, now. Not there.