Thursday, June 16, 2011

Not one of those posts!

If anyone has been wondering why I haven't written in a week, it's because J has had two interviews with the same company in the past two weeks and things are moving.  But he doesn't want me to write about that stuff as much, because it felt bad the last time he didn't get a job, and the whole internet knew about it. I understand that.  Unfortunately what he's doing is pretty necessary for this blog to move along, so I've been feeling a little... clogged.  This is go time, the time I really need to write about this so the community I've been trying to build can help me along.

The prospect of moving is exciting, and FUCKING HORRIFYING.  Yes, I would like to move before the Fall semester starts (the busiest/worst/best part of my work year) but now I'm looking around my town saying, "Damn, I like it here", and researching towns where the jobs and thinking, "Damn, I like it here*".  I do like it here.

Powerless, that's what it feels like.  About to go somewhere where I don't know anyone and my only friend will always be gone and really tired when he comes home and it may be a suburb, and maybe I'll end up having kids only because there's nothing else for me there.  I've burst into tears four times today, and I swear I'm trying to find something positive.  I feel even more awful that I'm not jumping up and down.  I am happy about the opportunity, just not so jazzed about where it is.

He's flying to California for an interview next week.  If things go smoothly, we could be out of here by August.

*Here being here, now. Not there.


  1. I know how that I wanna go/don't wanna go thing works. I hope that it all works out for both of you!

  2. Thanks Heather. I feel MUCH better today. The other side of the "I know nothing about this place, it could be terrible!" is "I know nothing about this place, it could be awesome!".

  3. I wish you were still writing because I'm in your shoes right now. I actually found this blog when I Googled "Trailing spouse unfair". My husband is finishing up his postdoc and is interviewing for tenure-track jobs right now. But the only places he has on-campus interviews are places that I don't want live. He only had one interview in the state I wanted to live and he was told yesterday that he didn't make the short list of candidates. I'm feeling pretty depressed knowing that I will probably never get to live where I want to live, that my kids will grow up as strangers to their grandparents and that I will never be able to work in the field I want to work in again.
    I knew when I married him that moving was part of the deal. But I guess I just hoped that it would somehow all work out in the end.
    I find that there is so little support out there for trailing spouses. Most of the info I come across is for a trailing spouse that is also an academic and is having a hard time finding a tenure-track position with their spouse. I've read through your entire blog today and it has helped make me feel a little better knowing that I'm not alone.

  4. My search term of choice was "trailing spouse resentment", so I know EXACTLY where you are right now. I'm glad the blog helped (that's why I wrote it!) but I hope it is some encouragement for you that when I finally moved, I was able to figure stuff out and not worry over my "trailing spouse" label so much. Until it happens, you're stuck in the limbo of inaction, trying desperately to prepare for something yet to come. It sucks. If you want to talk sometime, you can get at me here:


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