Friday, June 24, 2011

Guest Post: Getting a job immediately, regretting it immediately

Fargo Kidder* is a graduate student, crafter, blogger, and dog lover.

Last time I wrote a post for SCOATS, I focused on my desire to take the plunge and become a creative entrepreneur. Two recent posts  by "a" made me realize I have something else the readers of this blog might be interested in: what happened to me after I followed my spouse.

I was a ball of nerves as my husband and I prepared to move for his job. Don't get me wrong, there were things about the job I had at the time that I was psyched to leave behind. I knew I'd miss my friends, but I had the consolation of knowing we were moving just a 5-hour drive from where we used to live. I really can go back and visit any time. Because we moved to a fun city, we've already got almost a dozen friends coming to visit us this summer. It's nice, too, that my husband's new job allows us to live in a bigger, multi-bed and bathroom apartment that can accommodate company, unlike our old 650-square-foot house. After living in our new city for six weeks, I can say I miss my friends, but it's not so bad.

So the house and friends situations are great, but the work situation is not. My husband will start his new job in a few weeks, and I've been working at mine for just over a month. It was a good thing we opted to move in early May, despite his job not starting until July because I hit what some would consider the traveling spouse jackpot (I discussed this a bit in my previous post, but I'll touch on it again). I landed a job that is just like my old job. It's full time, started six days after we moved, and hey, it pays better. Here's the rub. I know taking this job was absolutely the wrong choice. At the time I got the job offer, I had already planned to work an internship part time while taking my remaining courses online. I would have finished my degree in August and have been able to apply for jobs with a couple years of experience from my old job, as well as no real lapse in employment due to working an internship and going to school full time online. 

Not the guest blogger, but the face says it all.
I keep asking myself "what was I thinking" when I'm on a train commuting to my job in an overly privileged, whitewashed suburb. It's to the point that I've started making myself list five positive things about my situation as I walk from my train stop in to work every day. This only leads me to listing twenty things about how pathetic I feel before stress eating the free candy in my ridiculous staff lounge. So what was I thinking when I applied for, interviewed twice for, changed my whole personal grad school plan for, and accepted this job? I was scared, god dammit! This job let me feel, to a certain extent, that I was still in control of my situation. That I wasn't another early twenty-something, unemployed loser. It justified my following my husband. My husband will always make more money than I do. Between getting married (and no one respecting my choice not to change my name), following my husband, and knowing my lifestyle will always be dependent on his paycheck, I think I needed these two months before his new job starts to feel like I could take care of us. Knowing that I was the sole bread winner, even just for a little while, is something I think I'll always be able to cling to when people call me Mrs. Wronglastname instead of Ms. Me. Or when I'm the armequin (silent mannequin on my husband's arm) at some terrible event that we "should" go to, it doesn't matter because I know that I can, and did, take care of us for two months after we moved. 

Interesting. I didn't realize til I wrote these thoughts down that the last two months will mean a lot to me long term. Maybe taking this job was the right choice at the time. I maintain, however, that I will GTFO the burbs asap. I will find a way to be a creative entrepreneur.

Today, I was originally intending to explore how I can leave this job without bruising my professional reputation too much. I've been there six weeks, and I plan on staying through September, for a total of three months. I've been keeping my eye on some job boards since I feel like it will be easier to leave this job if I had the excuse of "well, I wasn't feeling like this was a good fit and I got this other offer." But then I'll be jumping right into ANOTHER job. Honestly, I feel like I need a break. I have been triple-dipping my life in the part-time/online grad school, full time job, and blogging buckets for too long. My personal life suffers. I'm supposed to lose twenty pounds for my health this summer, and I don't know how to do that while working this much. It's hard to trust my perception of how I feel about anything when I'm this swamped. UGH. What to do?


*Ha! Still with that terrible pseudonym. I crack me up.

1 comment:

  1. This post has calmed my mind. Luckily, we're both in the position where we can maybe get away with not working immediately and being choosy.


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