Tuesday, January 22, 2013

What they don't know

When I was in high school drama, I learned an important lesson: don't let the audience know you messed up, and they may not notice.  Don't let them know you're nervous and they'll assume you're a pro.  Once you break that wall and show you're vulnerability, there's no going back.

So when you're meeting people in your new town, and maybe you haven't gotten a job yet or have anything newsworthy going on, don't talk about that.  When the inevitable question comes up, "So what do you do?" don't bury yourself under your spouse's job or belittle your circumstances.  Be proud of what you used to do, say what you want to do.  Be confident!  No one is going to ask probing questions about your job status or choice to follow someone you love (and if they do, they are an ass and you don't need them.)

You're an adult, and life changes.  Be the confident person you were before you may have been shaken up by this move.  It's just one more change life throws at you, except you're catching that ball while running.

You've got nothing to be ashamed of.

No one is "just" a wife.

You may not be making your own money for a while, but that doesn't make you less of a citizen.

Doing something crazy and new? Own it.  Do you think people cared about the fact that my business was really fledgling and I wasn't sure if it was a good idea?  No, they were interested in what the business was and how I got it started.

Find something you're proud of and don't belittle it by pretending you aren't proud.

I hope anyone who is currently in the anticipation stage of moving for a spouse's job is going alright, and it's ok if you aren't doing alright.  It's a weird time, and you'll have to find your way of dealing. Just know there's people that understand, and I'm one you can talk to if you need to vent.  Click on the "Contact Me" button, and dish away.

Bathroom selfie!


This is real, and it will change.

4 comments:

  1. It's also a shock to the system if you take a semester off and you're "only" being a mom, so I can relate in some ways. Definite identity shift. I think it's awesome that you created your own business.

    Oh, and your hair is fantastic, by the way.

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  2. "I hope anyone who is currently in the anticipation stage of moving for a spouse's job is going alright, and it's ok if you aren't doing alright. It's a weird time, and you'll have to find your way of dealing. Just know there's people that understand, and I'm one you can talk to if you need to vent."

    thanks for that paragraph… i feel validated.

    I have just decided to join my husband in another country too… after a year of living apart, i felt that i wasn't being fair to him and our children if they will have to endure another two years of missing out on each other's lives. so i said to him just two weeks ago that we will be joining him. he thinks i am very fickle minded and doesn't trust or believe in my capability to do this well…

    he doesn't know that i still don't want to leave home but i am doing this to keep our family together and to be supportive of him.

    and how am i doing?

    overwhelmed, afraid, reluctant, stressed, irritable, sad, over reacting… i feel like i am about to ride a roller coaster. that's the exact description of me now.

    i also have to accept that my husband will never be the type to be gently encouraging and supportive. he is more like a coach or motivational speaker… sometimes, women just need someone to listen, someone who will not tell them to "get over it" and "move on"… as if what you are going through if something trivial…

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  3. Start. A. Blog. Don't worry if it doesn't have a big readership, or even if it's that cohesive. Get all that stuff out of your head, and find some others online (like me) who know what you're going through. Writing this blog helped me so much. After hashing it all out through posts, I was better able to talk to my spouse about moving concerns, without freaking out at him.

    Everything you are feeling is real, and it sucks. If you start writing somewhere, let me know and I'll check it out. If you need to vent directly, you can contact me through here: http://orbitingacademe.blogspot.com/p/about-me.html This will go to my email and we can talk privately if you want.

    Also, are you sure he has this opinion of you? That's a discussion that needs to happen, either to put that thought to rest (if it's untrue) or fix it. If you're going to leave your home to follow him, he needs to respect that decision and your effort. :(

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